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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25731649">cognitive</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_Maradine/pseuds/D_Maradine'>D_Maradine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Attempted Murder, Canon-Typical Violence, Cognitive Goro takes real Goro's place, Depression, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Found Family, Hurt/Eventual Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Mild Sexual Content in the Separate Chapter - You Can Skip it, Post Engine Room, Rough Kissing, Sleeping Together, Suicide Attempt, major character death is Goro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:21:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,981</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25731649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_Maradine/pseuds/D_Maradine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the Engine Room, Akira orders a forceful Palace exit in attempt to save Goro. However, the one who comes back to the reality is not him, but detective's cognitive version, thrown into real Goro's body. And he doesn't really get how this "real world" works.</p><p>This work consists of 5 chapters: Loss, Learning, Breakdown, Recognition, Acceptance.<br/>The chapter 4.5 (5 in the navigation) includes resolved sexual tension scene, but you can totally skip it if you wish.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Cognitive Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>205</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Loss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I came up with the idea for this story some time ago, while drawing a fanart for colbub's 'marigolds' fanficiton, and so it came to be.<br/>At first it was going to be a hurt/no comfort one, but I'm too soft, guys :')<br/>It was also going to be a one-shot but I know no boundaries and seeing how it's going decided it will be better off as a short cycle.<br/>So, there is nothing more for me to say than - hope you enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There is a sound of a gunshot.</p><p>Loud, piercing.</p><p>And there is another one, not even half a second later.</p><p>Echoing, ringing.</p><p>“We are exiting, right NOW!” Joker roars, eyes wide, eyes wild, eyes furious.</p><p>The Phantom Thieves, who never saw him lose control like this before, take a step back uncertainly, carefully, like they are backing off from the wild animal. They don’t look at him, they can’t look at him. It’s like he went mad.</p><p>“J-Joker, we can’t exit the Palace from here, we have to go back to the entrance.” Queen is the first to speak, but her eyes wander around, her expression is pained.</p><p>She isn’t suffering nearly as much as he is, though, is she?</p><p>“I’m not. Discussing it with you.” The words seep through Joker’s clenched teeth slowly, carefully. Dangerously.</p><p>“Joker, calm down!” Mona yells at him but no words are getting through.</p><p>The leader of the Phantom Thieves is inches away from scratching through the closed metal shutter to the other side with his nails. And from losing his sanity.</p><p>“Mona, you can exit with your powers.” Joker’s hand shots out and he forcefully grabs the cat-like figure. “Do it. Now.”</p><p>In his mind, it’s close enough to take <em>him</em> with them. In his mind, they can still <em>do something</em>. In his mind, he doesn’t care about the consequences. In his mind, in his mind, in his mind…</p><p>Oracle and Noir tightly hug each other, looking at him helplessly, covering their mouths, eyes crying, minds pleading. Stop. Stop already.</p><p>Mona grits his teeth and nods. “We are far away from the entrance. We are jumping out high risk. I’m not responsible for what happens.”</p><p>Joker tightens his grip on Mona’s arm and it’s like an order. Now.</p><p>The world doesn’t blur and swirl like usual, instead they get sucked into some kind of vacuum tunnel. It swallows them, chews them, spits them out.</p><p>They are in the park near the Diet Building, by the side of a small artificial river. Ryuji and Makoto are crawling out of it, drenched and coughing.</p><p>Futaba vomits under the tree while Yusuke holds her long hair for her, leaning heavily against the tree trunk himself.</p><p>Somewhere nearby Ann stumbles, trips over her own, shaky legs and stays there, sitting on the ground, clenching her head and crying. Haru stands next to her, unmoving as she stares blankly into the distance, her porcelain white skin and fluffy hair making her look like a doll someone abandoned.</p><p>The only one who doesn’t seem to suffer the consequences too deeply is Morgana himself, as he only shakes his head, trying to shoo away the black dots flying before his eyes.</p><p>And then, there is Akira, kneeling beside a body.</p><p> </p><p>認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の</p><p> </p><p>When he comes to, the pain isn’t gone.</p><p>The first breath he takes is desperate and painful, but it doesn’t keep him from noticing there is something <em>wrong</em> with the <em>air</em>. It smells unfamiliar, like things he never smelled before. Not of rust, seawater or perfumed bodies. It is instead a scent of something wet and rotting, with a distant memory of smoke, similar to engine room’s machines but more… dispersed.</p><p>When he opens his eyes, he notices there is something wrong with the sky, too. It’s blue. It looks unnatural to the point it’s sickening. The pale, cold color doesn’t bear even a hint of its usual redness. And even though he is supposed to be outside, there is a weird, green carpet, stretching out as far as the eye can see. No deck boards, no railing, no omnipresent sea. The ground is cold and somewhat slimy and makes him want to vomit.</p><p>Suddenly he notices someone right next to him and, cursing his own carelessness and the constant pain radiating from somewhere near his heart, he rolls to the side and reaches for the gun.</p><p>But there is no gun at his side, even though when he looks down, he’s wearing his usual attire - light colored jacket, black trousers and gloves. He shoots a quick look at his chest but there is no hole, no blood. Only this tremendous, almost unbearable pain.</p><p>Right where he shot that treacherous bastard, the useless puppet.</p><p>He presses on the spot with a clenched fist but it doesn’t either ease or magnify the pain.</p><p>He glances at the person kneeling two steps away, unmoving, looking vaguely familiar, and the pain intensifies for a moment.</p><p>He meets the guy’s eyes and he remembers.</p><p>“Goro? Are you alright?” asks the leader of the Phantom Thieves.</p><p>He looks different than he did in the engine room, and although his clothes are still dark-colored, he doesn’t wear his mask. He doesn’t seem to carry a weapon either.</p><p>Goro feels pure disgust filling in his chest and throat.</p><p>And that’s supposed to be the greatest threat to the Captain? Some clumsy looking, unkempt teenager? He swallows the urge to spit under his feet.</p><p>There are some other people around, probably the rest of the Phantom Thieves. They seem to be in a really questionable condition though and for some reason their guards seem to be down.</p><p>He once again reaches for the empty space at his waist as he shakily gets up on his feet. He doesn’t find his gun this time either.</p><p>Did they do something to knock him unconscious, transported him here and disarmed?</p><p>Why didn’t they tie him up?</p><p>Did they think he’s not dangerous without the firearm?</p><p>He is partially surrounded, but with a clear opening to escape through.</p><p>The problem is, where would he run to? The Ark is nowhere to be seen.</p><p>He tries to call forth the Shadows, but to no avail.</p><p>He massages his chest again when the leader of the Thieves gets up slowly, holding his hands up like Goro is a wild cerberus, ready to jump at his throat anytime. He feels his lips reflexively arch into a derisive grimace.</p><p>Well, he isn’t far off with that assumption.</p><p>“Don’t move,” he warns the Thief and his voice sounds cold and emotionless as always. He doesn’t lose his cool. “Who are you?” he asks, counting on the opportunity to gather more intel for Shido-san. After all, they didn’t find out the Thieves’ true identities yet.</p><p>The Thief blinks, confused, and pales.</p><p>“Did he… did he lose his memory?” another Thief speaks up with a slightly dreamy voice, this time it’s the girl with the fluffy hair. Goro briefly wonders what happened to her hat.</p><p>“Akechi-kun, are you okay?” another girl, the blonde one, asks and tries to step closer but he takes a stance and warns again, still coolly.</p><p>“Don’t come closer, trash, or I will get rid of you here and now.” It would be, certainly, a move worth sacrificing his life for, if he took at least a few of the Thieves out along the way.</p><p>“Doesn’t he… sound kind of familiar?” The animal with a physique resembling a little byakko speaks, blinking it’s disgustingly blue eyes at him. It was pretty small for a Shadow, but he knew the small ones tended to be the fiercest sometimes.</p><p>“Leave,” the leader barks angrily and Goro thinks he gave off an impression of more timid or at least more calm and collected type before.</p><p>Amusing.</p><p>He takes a step back to leave and regroup, but then the other guy continues. “Not you.”</p><p>There is a silence, confused and uncomfortable enough even for him to feel it. All of the other Phantom Thieves look among themselves, most of them still seemingly weak and sickly, and he wonders again if that useless, weak bunch is really capable of changing hearts.</p><p>Soon enough though, they gather themselves up and start leaving, one after another, in pairs or threes, following the order. Orange-haired one picks up the small Shadow, something wet streaming from her eyes, down her cheeks. She leaves together with the thin, tall one.</p><p>The last one to leave is the one with obnoxiously blonde hair, not smooth and golden like Narcissus’s, but sharply yellow.</p><p>He walks up to the leader and quietly places hand on his arm then takes it away, a gesture Goro saw before, repeated many times by the guests on the ship, usually accompanied by loud, false laughs, too exposed and contrasting under masks placed on the blank faces.</p><p>Now that he thinks of it, Goro is surprised.</p><p>No one is wearing masks here, not even the Thieves. They are strangely <em>individual</em>, just like he was, standing out like a sore thumb on the Ark, always different, unmatching, out of place. Their features are painted with clear lines, their eyes resembling the eyes of the humanoid Shadows, with their different shapes and colors.</p><p>For a long time he thought that he was the one who is flawed. After all, all other guests looked so similar to each other, they had black holes in the masks for the eyes, they were like a different species. But here, in this weird space, everyone, though so distinctive, felt more of his kind than anyone ever did.</p><p>He quickly casts the thought away and refocuses.</p><p>It’s only him and the leader now, staring each other down.</p><p>Smart move on his part, Goro has to give him that. He thinks like a true head of the team, sending more vulnerable units away to keep them from harm. But at the same time, it’s his mistake, as it works for Goro’s advantage. He is sure he can take on the guy one on one. Goro was Captain’s secret weapon, after all.</p><p>That’s his last thought before, fast like the wind itself, the leader of the Thieves attacks him.</p><p>His hands clench tightly on Goro’s forearms for a second, then he gets pushed strongly, with more force than he expects from the other guy, and falls on his back.</p><p>The leader of the Thieves doesn’t waste time, he immobilizes him, pressing his legs and arms to the ground, and for the first time ever Goro feels something akin to fear.</p><p>The leader’s irises are light-colored, his eyes are wide open and demanding. He is wearing glasses, like Shido-san but with transparent lenses, his eyelashes are thick and long and Goro never saw another human’s face from such a close distance before.</p><p>It makes his phantom wound in heart ache more intensely suddenly, and he lets out a small painful groan, which makes him feel so sick of his own weakness it twists his stomach.</p><p>The sound, or something else, Goro doesn’t really know anymore, makes the leader’s gaze waver, his breath catch as he hangs over Goro, as he <em>leans </em>over him.</p><p>And Goro only has time for one thought, he thinks he never saw such a beautiful face before, as something soft touches his lips, then presses on them, then crushes them.</p><p>It makes Goro gasp in surprise, letting him catch not even half of a breath.</p><p>The phantom pain is getting even worse and he thinks he’s dying when the <em>teeth </em>clang against his and suddenly his hazy mind clears and sharpens, and he bites at those hungry lips trying to devour him.</p><p>There is a taste of blood, a surprised sound and when the blurred face of the leader of the Thieves pulls away, Goro uses his momentum against him, pushing him off himself. The thief falls to the side like a marionette with cut strings while Goro quickly scrambles up to his feet and kicks the trash in the stomach, then again, then takes three steps back, struggling to catch his breath.</p><p>He calms down when he sees the leader also breathing heavily, struggling to get up as he presses hand to his ribs.</p><p>Goro smirks under his nose. This is going to leave a nice bruise.</p><p>It doesn’t seem like the Thief is going for another attack, he is just standing there for a while, watching Goro from beneath the half-closed eyelids, through the curtain of eyelashes. His irises seem darker now, the corner of his mouth trembles as he licks the blood off the bottom lip.</p><p>It seems like Goro won this round. He doesn’t hold back another self-satisfactory smile.</p><p>“You are not <em>my Goro</em>,” the Thief finally says, quietly, and spits out some saliva mixed with blood to the side.</p><p>“The only person I belong to is Shido-san,” Goro answers, with pride, but angrily. What did that piece of trash mean? Did that treacherous bastard get so deeply involved with this sickening bunch? If so, Goro proved his worth so much more than he ever dreamt of before. And he found out this Thief’s weakness. “You thought that I was that worthless shithead?” He laughs out loud at the thought, even despite the still radiating pain, as the pure happiness fills him when he realizes that <em>finally</em>, he was useful. Him, the so-called <em>impostor</em>. But in truth, the better, <em>perfect</em> version of Goro Akechi.</p><p>Ecstatic, he doesn’t notice when the clenched fist flies his way and then lands on his face, almost knocking him off his feet. He staggers and only by miracle doesn’t bite his tongue.</p><p>He glares at the other guy, ready to go at it any moment, but the leader of the Thieves just pulls the hood on his head, then turns back on him and starts walking away.</p><p>That’s when Goro realizes he is all alone in this alien world and it twists his insides painfully.</p><p>“W-wait!” he shouts out, swallowing his pride. “What is this place? Answer me!”</p><p>The leader of the Thieves stops and looks back at him over his arm, a complicated emotion on his face. Goro doesn’t know many emotions besides the ones Shido-san showed in his presence or the ones Ark’s guests faked, so he can’t decipher it too well.</p><p>It doesn’t look like anger, though. At least not all of it.</p><p>The Thief turns back again and starts walking through the strange green carpet in the long strides, when suddenly something starts falling down from the sky.</p><p>Goro looks at it, tastes it.</p><p>It’s apparently water.</p><p>He looks up but it hurts when the small drops hit his open eyes, so he searches for the only familiar figure around again.</p><p>And then he follows after it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Learning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cognitive Goro gets named Kogoro, and he starts learning about how the real world works. From TV dramas and news, but he's learning.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, are you gonna keep him?” Futaba asks from behind her game console, eyes focused on the screen and darting right and left, followed by her quick fingers as she scores another combo in her rhythm game. She’s sprawled all over his small attic bed, laying on her stomach, legs kicking the air.</p><p>“He’s not a <em>pet</em>, Futaba,” Makoto scolds with a frown, not looking up from her homework she’s diligently going through at Akira’s desk.</p><p>“You should name him something,” Futaba continues, as if she went deaf to Makoto’s remark. “Like, dunno, Chigoro.” The tapping of her nails on the screen intensifies.</p><p>“Chi? Like chibi?” Morgana asks with genuine interest and jumps on the bed, then onto Futaba’s back, which she comments with a heavy ‘oof’ sound.</p><p>“Nah, you are the chibi one. What I mean is, his mind is the one of that cognition from Shido-ass’s Palace, aight? Then it should comply with the fact. Thus chi, as in <em>ninchi</em>.” She sighs at her console then casts it away on the bed, next to her. “And Ningoro sounds stupid, like if Ryuji made it up.”</p><p>“For the love of…” Makoto shuts her book close with irritation and turns towards them with the whole chair. “Stop treating him like this. No matter what he was before, he is a human just like us now. And, Futaba-chan, I think the variation of the adjective in English would sound better.” She tucks the lock of hair behind her ear and casts a guilty look at Akira.</p><p>“So, like, <em>cognitive</em>, right? Co… cog… Kogoro?” Futaba turns towards Akira too in search for approval, forgetting about Morgana sitting on her back in the process. She realizes her mistake as he gets thrown off her back to the bed with a surprised meow. “Ouch, sorry, Mona-Mona. What do you think, Akira?” she states the question clearly.</p><p>Akira nods. All he does recently is nodding or shaking his head, in hope if he doesn’t talk at all it won’t encourage others to make him.</p><p>The girls and Morgana seem to wait for the verbal response anyways, but after a few seconds notice he isn’t interested in talking, and awkwardly get back to what they were doing.</p><p>Akira casts a lone look at them, then goes back to carefully wiping the thick leaves of his plant off the dust. The repetitive motion helps him calm down his mind, turn off the thinking.</p><p>He picked cognitive Akechi… Kogoro, he guesses, up yesterday and took him over to Leblanc. The place was closed up and empty already, and he didn’t find strength in himself to reach out to Sojiro and ask for his permission to let the guy stay over.</p><p>He ignored the unwanted guest most of the time, except for the moments when the guy lagged near some of the perfectly normal objects, looking completely lost, like he didn’t understand their purpose. And, most probably, he really didn’t, which makes Akira ponder over how does he plan on surviving in this world, with the body that doesn’t belong to him and functions in a different way than it did in the Metaverse. Well, it’s none of his concern either way. At least, that’s what he’s telling himself, since Kogoro’s transition to this word is, in fact, his fault and he should take responsibility for it.</p><p>There is a sound of the bell chiming, and suddenly both Makoto and Futaba tense up and start awkwardly gathering their things, the lazy atmosphere from just a minute ago fading away into a memory. Morgana hides under his bed and only the reflection of his eyes can be seen, two little spots glowing in the darkness like the dimmed flashlights.</p><p>When the figure appears on the stairs and quietly climbs all the way up, swiftly avoiding the creaking spots, the girls gather up by the balustrade, and as it enters the room and passes them without granting them even one glance, they quickly go downstairs, disappearing into the echo of their hurried steps.</p><p>Kogoro walks across the room like it belongs to him and carefully smooths the sheets on Akira’s bed before sitting down. He sits with his back straight, legs uncrossed, unlike the real Goro would. He looks around carefully, eyes wandering between the many objects on Akira’s shelf, and although his face is emotionless, there is a spark of curiosity lingering to it.</p><p>Akira continues wiping the plant, then waters it, and only when there is nothing more for him to do around the room, he decides to face Kogoro.</p><p>He walks up to him and looks down at his face, trying to crush the feelings attempting to tear his chest apart before they overwhelm him. When he speaks, his mind is more or less calm, and so is his voice.</p><p>“How did the examination go?” Akira asks, taking a petty satisfaction in towering over his enemy.</p><p>“There is nothing wrong with the body, is what that woman said.” He looks up at Akira and he can’t help but notice once again the greatest difference between Kogoro and Goro. The irises, no longer wine red, but instead completely black. Two hollow, bottomless wells staring at him without blinking.</p><p>Even though they undoubtedly came back to the real world, and even though it seemed like Kogoro got pulled out of the Metaverse and shoved into real Goro’s body, for some reason this one physical detail has changed.</p><p>Akira is genuinely thankful for that, in a way. He doesn’t think he would be able to look him straight in the face if they looked exactly the same. And those black holes make Kogoro’s whole face seem rather otherworldly, making it easier to remember they are not the same person.</p><p>“I see,” Akira says and turns around, thinking what to do next.</p><p>Before he can decide, Kogoro calls out to him. “Wait.”</p><p>When Akira looks back, there is a rare hint of emotions on the other guy’s face. He looks… angry and ashamed? Akira breaths in slowly. “What is it?” He breaths out.</p><p>“This body.” Kogoro gestures at himself and stands up. “I suppose it’s been placed under some sort of spell. It grows weaker, and it affects my focus.”</p><p>Akira blinks, then, despite himself chuckles quietly, while his companion watches him uncomprehendingly. “So you are saying you are getting tired? You didn’t sleep at all tonight?”</p><p>“Sleep?” Kogoro furrows his brows, then his face shifts back to unreadable mask. “Oh. There was no room intended for me on the Ark, so I never…”</p><p>He continues speaking, but Akira doesn’t hear him anymore as he feels his blood turn into ice.</p><p>That’s right. That’s what Shido thought of Goro Akechi.</p><p>There was no place for him in his grand plan. He really was just a tool to be disposed of in the end. Akira looks at Kogoro and feels pity. Being Shido’s cognition, his mind wasn’t the spitting image of Goro’s. Some things seemed to be the same, but his fundaments were built on the image of blind devotion. Even if he was free of that world, and that invisible constraint, it will take some time for him to break free from their spell and find the path of his own.</p><p>Akira wants to hate him.</p><p>Wants to be angry and disgusted. To feel like he is doing something for the Goro who is already gone, even if it means harboring spiteful emotions in his mind for the rest of his life.</p><p>However, what he really feels towards Kogoro, is pity. The logical part of his mind tells him that even though he isn’t Goro, he is the victim no less than him; a brainwashed puppet that lost its purpose. Especially now, that he got pulled into this alien world, not understanding its laws and nature.</p><p>He is just like the sheltered teenager that went out of his comfort zone for the first time. And, since he is basically Shido’s mind’s creation, it’s still Shido who should be held accountable for his actions.</p><p>At least that’s what Akira is telling himself to stay sane.</p><p>“Alright,” he says, coloring it with a painfully fake cheerful tone, as his eyes meet the soulless, blank gaze. “I will teach you a magic trick,” he says, like it’s a fairytale. He places his hands on Kogoro’s shoulders and presses down to make him sit back. He can feel how tense are his muscles under the touch, and see how his jaw clenches, but he doesn’t resist, not letting his guard down either. “You need to lay down.”</p><p>Kogoro grits his teeth even more. “What for,” he asks, demanding and suspicious and it doesn’t even sound like a question.</p><p>“It’s a part of the spell,” Akira assures, continuing the charade, “just trust me.”</p><p>“I do not <em>trust you</em>,” Kogoro sneers. “How can I know you won’t attack me, like you did yesterday?” He smirks and it’s full of carefully contained hatred.</p><p>It reminds Akira that Kogoro isn’t capable of seeing him as anything but enemy, even though he has been reluctantly putting up with everything since yesterday – probably out of the survival instinct.</p><p>He doesn’t know he can.</p><p>And Akira doesn’t know how to let him know or why he would even want to do that.</p><p>Even if he is wearing the same face as Goro, he isn’t him. And he isn’t a threat anymore either, as confused about this reality as he can get, not able to stop them in the Palace either. But then, what can Akira really do? Drop him at Shido’s doorstep and let his people take care of him? If they are really the ones who stole Wakaba Isshiki’s research, they could put him in some sort of laboratory to experiment on. He can’t allow it to happen even to his enemy.</p><p>Akira sighs and takes his hands off Kogoro’s arms.</p><p>Suddenly, he realizes what the other must have meant by ‘attacking him’, and feels his face heat up as he instinctively brings one hand to cover it, in attempt to hide a blush. He wonders if he should explain what the action has meant.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” is what he says in the end, and Kogoro’s face doesn’t shift in the slightest, smooth and indifferent like a doll’s. Like he doesn’t know the meaning behind those words. “You are just tired. It’s how things work here. You need a few hours of sleep everyday to function properly. You… you lay down, close your eyes and… empty your mind of any thoughts.”</p><p>It’s the best way he can think of to explain.</p><p>Kogoro watches him emotionlessly for a moment. “It’s not difficult. I’m simply Shido-san’s puppet, after all.”</p><p>Akira turns his back on him and clenches his fists. He doesn’t say anything.</p><p> </p><p>認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の</p><p> </p><p>A few days have passed since he came to this strange world, where people change clothes for the night and where the buildings aren’t sinking in the ocean, instead towering over him wherever he follows the leader of the Phantom Thieves – Akira Kurusu is his name, apparently.</p><p>The problem is, he doesn’t have any way to contact Shido-san about it.</p><p>He is not being held a prisoner, but he may as well be one. This city seems to stretch out as far as eye can see, vast and unfamiliar, without the ship to safely transport him through it. He learned his way around the huge cruiser very quickly, but this place is entirely different. It makes him strangely paralyzed, and at loss of what to do.</p><p>So he decides to learn more about this world first.</p><p>When Akira is in the room, they usually don’t talk. The Thief busies himself with paperwork or produces weird objects from the scraps of metal and other trash.</p><p>Meanwhile Goro – well, he guesses he is <em>Kogoro</em> now, and that suits him just alright since he can further cut himself off from the traitorous piece of shit – reads whatever books the guy has brought him.</p><p>When Akira <em>isn’t</em> in the room however, Kogoro puts his plan to work.</p><p>He saw the Thief do it before, and does the same in secret since then – pushes the round button on some old generation surveillance screen, and observes the world through different cameras. He was surprised at first, since it seemed like the cameras showed certain groups of people, usually from many perspectives, even close up to their faces, at scheduled times of the day.</p><p>He doesn’t have a clue as to why Akira observes them, but the Thief carefully avoids speaking of Phantom Thieves business in his presence. Those footages don’t seem too helpful in information gathering, but at the same time are informative in different aspects, such as daily life and human interactions. He learns some things from them, like the name of the species the byakko-like creature belongs to.</p><p>Around the noon and in the morning, there is a general report playing on one of the channels, and it seems to be the most remarkable one out there. But, for some strange reason, Akira never watches it.</p><p>Even though Shido-san is coming up there, and pretty often at that.</p><p>Kogoro wonders if the Thief is just foolish or has another member of the group appointed to the duty of observing the Captain.</p><p>One of those days, the <em>cat</em>, Morgana, has walked on him watching the footages, but instead of raising up the alarm, joined him. He didn’t even appear angry, rather amused instead, and explained the different naming to Kogoro. The casual surveillance cameras were responsible for something called ‘dramas’ and the status report was ‘news’.</p><p>Kogoro raises his head, hearing the steps on the stairs, and reflexively straightens up in his place on the sofa. He carefully places the book he was reading away, as the head full of black, messy hair poorly hidden beneath the fabric emerges in his sight.</p><p>Akira places his bag on the table and takes the hood off, only briefly glancing at Kogoro. The cat isn’t with him today.</p><p>After the outburst he had on the first day they met, Akira has never lost his cool again. He doesn’t talk much, doesn’t do much at all actually, at least not here in the attic. He is usually off, leaving Kogoro alone in the room and at the mercy of the whiny man called Sojiro who works downstairs. At his mercy, at least regarding food and such.</p><p>He follows Akira to the bathhouse sometime later.</p><p>Kogoro closes his eyes as he’s sitting in the tub, slowly inhaling the herbal-scented, swirling puffs of steam, and thinks how different taking baths is from swimming in the pool at the Ark. The phantom pain constantly present in his chest seems to dissipate a little when he does this.</p><p>“Did you re-learn something today?” Akira asks, the first time he speaks to Kogoro today.</p><p>He is reffering to the strange occurrence they observed in Kogoro those last few days, and which the doctor woman explained as his memories or at least the memory of his body coming back, the process of natural healing of his ‘amnesia’.</p><p>The thing she doesn’t know about is, he isn’t amnesiac and they only used this excuse to not have to explain his true identity. Apart from this, it remains a fact though, that something similar really is happening to Kogoro.</p><p>He finds himself trying out things he never did before in the <em>Metaverse</em> – that’s what the Thieves call reality he came from – only to realize he instinctively knows how to proceed with them. It turns out he is skilled in things like learning and connecting the facts quickly, he didn’t lose his combat skills either.</p><p>He recalls, with a slight irritation, what happened earlier today.</p><p>“It seems that I’m not capable of skillfully cutting and mixing ingredients to produce a meal,” he says, and some of the tension he felt through the day leaves his body.</p><p>It’s not like he forgot about this guy being his enemy.</p><p>The thing is, Akira is completely harmless in his current state, and he doesn’t seem to be gathering information to use against Kogoro either. And, strangely enough, talking to the Thief after the whole day spent alone, makes him feel lighter, more peaceful.</p><p>Makes him think about killing the leader of the Phantom Thieves in his sleep less often, too.</p><p>“So you can’t cook,” Akira says simply and dips his body more deeply in the water.</p><p>He doesn’t talk anymore, and although Kogoro finds himself wishing the silence to break, it doesn’t.</p><p>When they go back and turn the lights off, Kogoro observes Akira’s sleeping silhouette from his futon spread on the floor. The man called Sojiro brought it in yesterday, after learning Kogoro has been sleeping on the sofa all this time, and forced Kogoro to thank him for it in his whiny manner, even though he didn’t ask for it.</p><p>Kogoro watches and waits patiently, as he came up with a certain theory he wants to confirm. It’s the game he started playing with himself recently, as it seems to be pretty easy for him to predict many things, and the eventual affirmation produces a pleasant feeling inside his chest.</p><p>And as expected, eventually, about an hour after Akira’s breathing stabilized, it gets disrupted. His breaths become shallow and somewhat desperate, he starts moving around and mumbling to himself, with eyes still shut close.</p><p>Kogoro saw it before, on the night after they first visited the bathhouse, and then again when they went for the second time. He is sure now that the seemingly relaxing baths work opposite on the Thieves’ leader.</p><p>Kogoro smirks under his nose with satisfaction, and quietly scrambles up to his feet. He crouches down at the side of Akira’s bed and places his elbows on the mattress, propping his chin on the palms of his hands, and looks at Thief’s face, twisted in pain.</p><p>It gives Kogoro a certain sense of satisfaction. He imagines he isn’t the only one suffering from the wound in his heart, and that Akira is weak, so much weaker than him, and that maybe he will just die if it continues for a bit longer. Without Kogoro needing to dirty his hands…</p><p>He frowns at the thought.</p><p>Why wouldn’t he want to dirty his hands for Shido-san’s sake? Of course he doesn’t have a problem with that… right?</p><p>Suddenly, Akira groans and chokes quietly, something wet streaming from his closed eyes, down on the cheekbones, further to his ears, vanishing in the still slightly damp locks of hair.</p><p>Now, this is something new.</p><p>Kogoro watches with fascination how the something – seemingly water – rolls down on the pale skin in big drops. He outstretches one hand towards it before he can think.</p><p>He can see the fluid glittering in the moonlight seeping inside through the half-closed curtains, as he carefully brushes one finger against it. He holds in his breath as Akira’s long, dark lashes flutter slightly, but his eyes don’t open.</p><p>Kogoro brings the finger closer to his face, to take a better look at the strange water, but it doesn’t seem unusual. It leaves a tickling sensation on his fingertip, but nothing else.</p><p>He looks back at Akira, who’s throwing on the bed made him roll over to the side, then again on his back.</p><p>Kogoro decides he is getting bored of the show and attempts to get up, when Akira takes in a particularly sharp breath and catches the arm he was propping himself up without warning, catching him off the balance. It happens so quickly even Kogoro’s unusually quick reflexes don’t save him from falling over face first at the Thief.</p><p>He feels Akira’s sharp elbow jab into his chest and some of the air leaves his lungs, suddenly and painfully. The Thief grunts in pain and coughs, now wide awake and squeezed under Kogoro’s bodyweight.</p><p>For a second neither of them moves and he can feel Akira’s heart hammering in his chest against his own, the heat of his body unbelievably warm, submerging Kogoro’s mind into incoherent mass of thoughts.</p><p>It’s disgusting and makes the pain in his heart even more intense, so he quickly climbs off the Thief, dropping on his knees by the bed. For some reason, he can’t seem to make his eyes look directly at the other.</p><p>“K-kogoro?” Akira rubs his eyes and squints while looking at him. His voice is quiet and hoarse, but he doesn’t sound angry. Kogoro briefly wonders what he would have to do to throw him off this calm act and into that wild state from before.</p><p>“Affirmative,” he says and stands up to go back to his futon.</p><p>Akira catches the hem of his sleeping shirt. “Wait,” he says and Kogoro shudders as it turns his stomach. He doesn’t want to <em>wait</em>. He smacks the hand off.</p><p>“What?” he barks and clutches at his shirt, at his heart, even though he knows it won’t make the pain go away.</p><p>He can feel Akira’s gaze lock at his back even if he can’t see it, and he wants to scratch those annoying eyes out of his face.</p><p>“Nevermind,” the Thief says after a short silence, and there is a sound of the creaking mattress as he lays down again. Kogoro shots him a look over his arm but only the guy’s back faces him now.</p><p>That’s right, he thinks, as he lays down in his futon himself, there is no need for them to talk. No need for explanations. What matters is, they are enemies, and neither of them should forget about it. This is okay.</p><p>It’s how it should be.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you everyone for reading!</p><p>I'm still taking my baby steps at re-learning how to write, so any feedback/comments are totally appreciated!</p><p>Next chapter: Breakdown<br/>things will get a bit ugly.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Breakdown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Akira's nightmares continue and the weight of everything that happened crashes down on him.</p><p>Kogoro notices - and doesn't understand why - he has been putting off the task of contacting Shido, but then-</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello everyone - a small warning for this chapter. Most of the scary tags are for this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kogoro is tailing him. He started doing it after his first week in this world had passed, and another one was coming to an end now. Akira can tell he is doing it, and also that he is getting better at it as he gets used to this reality, but lets him. It’s none of his concern anyways if Kogoro gets in trouble.</p><p>At least that’s what he is telling himself, even though somewhere inside he knows it’s not true – Akira is a sort of fugitive, after all, and Kogoro could easily sell him out.</p><p>So, in the end, although he lets Kogoro follow him around and pretends to not notice, he carefully checks on his position from time to time, adjusting his routes or pace so the other doesn’t get lost.</p><p>He does it right now too, casting a quick look through the shop’s window and, sure enough, sees a familiar silhouette – tall, wearing a flu mask and one of Akira’s hoodies, hovering outside.</p><p>He started covering his face when some girls recognized him as ‘that famous detective’ a few days ago. Akira was watching the scene, hidden behind one of the station pillars, and couldn’t help but be surprised at how swiftly, after the primary surprise passed, Kogoro dealt with the situation.</p><p>Sometimes he really underestimated the cognitive being’s capabilities.</p><p>Akira quickly finishes his shopping and turns towards the backstreets of Yongen-jaya, heading back to Leblanc for today. When he goes inside, Sojiro shoots him a meaningful look, pointing to the stairs with his chin. So Kogoro made it before him.</p><p>“How was your day?” he asks habitually when he climbs his way up.</p><p>He shuffles in the shopping bag and pulls out the chocolate flavored melon bread, throws it Kogoro’s way.</p><p>“Nothing unusual.” Comes the meager answer as the other nimbly catches a treat.</p><p>His voice or breathing isn’t disturbed at all, Akira notes. Some stamina he possesses.</p><p>He tries to not think it’s primarily Goro’s body, as something tightens in his chest, threatening to explode. He swallows, hoping it will help him calm down.</p><p>It doesn’t.</p><p>“That’s… good, I guess,” he says hoarsely, feeling his palms getting hot and sweaty. Not good.</p><p>He looks away from Kogoro and his eyes land on the bathing equipment. It screams for him to pick it up and go out, do something, or he’s going to break.</p><p>“I’m going to the bathhouse,” Akira informs as he exchanges the shopping bag for his usual outdoor one and gathers things up.</p><p>“Sure.” Kogoro’s voice is calm and emotionless, so is his gaze, following Akira around the room. He is sitting on the sofa, like usual.</p><p>His legs are crossed, Akira notes, and it turns his stomach. He almost drops the bag as his hands start shaking, and storms out of the attic, not looking behind anymore.</p><p>He stays in the bath longer than usual, until the heat almost makes him pass out.</p><p>He tells himself it’s because it’s winter and it’s cold in the attic. Warming up will make him sleep better.</p><p>Lies.</p><p>He just doesn’t want to see Kogoro’s face, hear his voice.</p><p>In two days they are sending the calling card. In three, storm Shido’s Palace for the last time, to steal the Treasure. No one knows how it will affect Kogoro, but the part of Akira, the ugly part he keeps buried deep in his heart, wishes he would disappear along with the Palace.</p><p>When he comes back to the café, the lights are already out, only the dimmed glow marking the way upstairs for him. Kogoro left the small desk lamp on, a gesture of simple, <em>human</em> kindness Akira doesn’t want to think too much into.</p><p>Kogoro already tucked himself tightly in the blanket on the futon, his back to Akira. He’s sleeping already, or pretending, but Akira doesn’t care. He is just glad he can pretend he’s alone thanks to that.</p><p>He turns off the lamp and lays down heavily on the bed. For a few minutes he just stares at the ceiling, the plastic glowing stars he got from Yusuke feeling like the only true light left in his life. He tries not to expand on this thought but it’s already too late, as his brain gets overwhelmed with regrets and what-if’s.</p><p>He was so stupid. He thought it’s what, a game? That everything happening around them is like the heroic tale in which the Phantom Thieves are the good guys and protagonist’s halo protects them from any harm? That he, Akira, is destined to lead them, win over evil and then live happily ever after? And, somewhere along the script, he will hook up with this pretty and overwhelmingly intelligent boy, the charming Detective Prince, he will make him see the light with the power of love?</p><p>What a load of bullshit. And it’s too late already, anyways. He will never see him again.</p><p>Akira feels his breath catch in his throat, the painful squeeze in the chest and he feels the anxiety attack creeping in. He sits up abruptly, clinging to the last opportunity to not fall into its trap, feels around for his phone under the pillow and unlocks it.</p><p>The earphones are still plugged in thankfully, so he puts them on and plays the first video on his to-watch list. He stares at the English subtitles, trying to match them to the Japanese audio, he focuses all of his attention, all of his brainpower on it with the desperation of a sinking man.</p><p>After some time, he doesn’t even know when, he falls asleep to the calm and steady voice explaining the characteristics of the axolotls’ natural habitat.</p><p>He dreams of the engine room but he’s alone in there. The lightning is dimmed and blood red. The air is hot and it’s hard to breathe, and he feels the unexplainable panic at the thought he is forgetting something important.</p><p>That’s right, he came here to…</p><p>He notices the blood under his feet.</p><p>Now, that he looks around, it’s everywhere. Slowly streaming down the walls, splashed on the ceiling, metal pipes, fluorescent lamps. That’s what makes the lightning red.</p><p>The drips on the floor seem to lead somewhere and his feet break into a run before he can think. They get bigger, growing into puddles, in some places smeared on the floor like someone has slipped on them, followed by the dark red footprints.</p><p>There is a pool of blood slowly growing from behind the corner and a black shoe with a pointed tip.</p><p>Akira runs even faster, slips on the blood and falls down on his knees, right beside the human figure heavily leaning it’s back on the wall, breathing raggedly, but still breathing.</p><p>Panic claws at his throat as Goro’s almost lifeless eye meets his own through the broken visor.</p><p>“Akechi,” he croaks, chokes at the air and tears that flow down his face. “Akechi, Akechi,” he calls out to the other boy, cups his face in his hands, trying to catch his attention. “Akechi, Akechi… Goro,” he pleads and finally the wine red eye regains some focus. He looks so tired.</p><p>“Akira,” Goro’s voice is barely a whisper. “It’s too late.”</p><p>“No. No, no, no.” Akira shakes his head and his hands slide down to Goro’s arms. He touches them, touches his chest, carefully, as his hands shake uncontrollably. “I will save you, I will take you with me. I will take you home.”</p><p>Goro smiles weakly but it’s genuine. The light in his eyes fades away quickly.</p><p>“You can’t save everyone,” he murmurs and his head falls forward to his chest. It’s the last thing he says.</p><p>Akira wakes up abruptly, trying to catch his breath, but he can’t.</p><p>His whole body is shaking uncontrollably as he desperately gasps for oxygen and finally manages to, but it’s tremendously hard and painful. His throat is dry and ragged like if he was just standing in the desert and screaming for hours. Maybe he was.</p><p>He feels hot but cold at the same time but unskillfully wraps himself tighter in the blanket as he folds his body into fetal position. Then crosses arms close to the chest in a poor parody of a self-embrace. Convulsions shake him to the core and he briefly wonders if he is going to die and that he wouldn’t mind actually.</p><p>Maybe he could meet Goro again in another world.</p><p>Through the feverish thoughts overcoming his brain he almost misses the movement of the mattress under him, as there is some weight put on it, like if someone sat down next to him. In the next moment, he feels a cold touch on his forehead.</p><p>A hand.</p><p>When it’s about to move away he grabs it desperately and presses it back against the burning skin. He is probably using too much force, he feels his nails digging into the flesh, but he can’t control his strength as he holds to the smooth palm and wrist like they are a lifeline.</p><p>He hears a sigh and another hand touches him, rubs a few circles on his back awkwardly, then moves to his head, caresses his hair gently in unskillful but careful strokes.</p><p>After a few minutes, Akira can feel his breathing stabilizing and his hold on the hand weakens, then lets it go. Drained of energy, he lets his own hands land back on the bed with a small thud.</p><p>Suddenly, he realizes who is sitting right beside him and who is he finding comfort in.</p><p>Goro’s killer.</p><p>The one who is the exact cause of his state. Akira sits up abruptly and smacks the hand away, stumbles out of the bed and goes through the room on unstable legs, swaying like an alcoholic.</p><p>He needs to get away from him.</p><p>“What are you doing,” he hears Kogoro’s irritated voice. “Get back here, you are sick,” he demands, with no trace of genuine care whatsoever, and Akira wants to vomit.</p><p>“You are sick. You are making me sick,” he mumbles and staggers downstairs, regretting he took Kogoro in in the first place.</p><p>Akira leans heavily over the sink in the small kitchenette and looks at the stream of cold water for a second before shoving his whole head under it. It gives his organism a shock he wants but probably not exactly the one he needs.</p><p>He turns off the tap and flinches, sensing someone’s presence behind him. Akira turns around in one second, sprinkling the water dripping from his hair all over the place.</p><p>“Leave me <em>fucking</em> <em>alone</em>,” he seethes as he shots a hostile look at Kogoro’s empty face.</p><p>Except… it’s not empty this time. Maybe it’s just a play of lightning, Akira doesn’t know, but his features seem somewhat smoother and softer, his eyes regarding him with a trace of something almost kind in them.</p><p>“You seem to be hurting,” Kogoro says, unsurely and carefully, like if he read about this before and tries to match the theory with reality.</p><p>It catches Akira off guard and for the first time he thinks – he <em>really</em> thinks – that maybe Kogoro is capable of feeling, of possessing real emotions.</p><p>“What is it to you?” he inquires warily. “We are enemies, right? You are just Shido’s fucking cognition of Goro, aren’t you?” Some part of him screams to stop. It’s dangerous to provoke him while in the vulnerable state himself, but he can’t find the brakes anymore. “You probably want to go back to that bastard’s side at once, huh? Sure, I will let you. Go. Get the <em>fuck</em> out of this place.”</p><p>Something glimmers dangerously in Kogoro’s eyes, but fades away so fast Akira isn’t sure if he didn’t imagine it. He isn’t sure about anything anymore. And he becomes even less, if possible, when Kogoro’s hand shoots forward, grabs the front of Akira’s sleeping shirt and then twists him whole as he throws his back against the wall.</p><p>It knocks the air out of his lungs and he can only watch passively as Kogoro closes the last inches of distance between them and looks down at him, like a predator at his prey, while grabbing on Akira’s hair and yanking his head back.</p><p>His expression is unreadable again and from this close of a distance Akira can only see the two black wells of his eyes drilling down into his soul.</p><p>When their lips meet, the first thing his paralyzed mind produces is if Kogoro learnt what kisses mean from his afternoon dramas. He is slow and careful at first, unskillful, but who is Akira to judge when he is no expert in the matter himself.</p><p>And even though he knows he will despise himself for it later, he doesn’t have a strength to think anymore. He doesn’t want to think, he doesn’t want to suffer.</p><p>So he just closes his eyes and gives in and they figure it out together.</p><p>Akira knows this person in front of him isn’t Goro, he doesn’t try to lie to himself. So he feels defiled, he feels dirty and he hates himself, but he finds himself wanting more of it. There is an almost electric current that goes through the back of his neck and arms and down his spine as Kogoro’s lips part from his and his teeth nibble at Akira’s jaw, when his slim fingers trace the side of his neck awakening the pleasant shivers.</p><p>Akira opens his eyelids slightly to steal a glance at Kogoro’s expression, to try and see a human in him one more time.</p><p>And that’s what saves him, as he catches the glint of something sharp and silvery jabbing towards his ribs, and reflexively jumps aside.</p><p>If there is one thing about Kogoro he shouldn’t have forgotten, it’s that he is a murderer.</p><p>So he didn’t learn the meaning of kisses from the dramas, he still thinks of them as a sort of attack.</p><p>Kogoro clicks his tongue in irritation but, strangely enough, doesn’t attempt to stab Akira again.</p><p>It’s almost like he has given himself only this one chance and failed. He throws the knife to the sink with a loud clang and steps away from Akira.</p><p>“I’m tired,” he says, like nothing ever happened, like he didn’t just try to <em>murder</em> Akira. Then he turns on his heel and moves towards the stairs. “I’m going to sleep.”</p><p>Akira watches him go and feels calm.</p><p>It’s almost a blissful feeling, it wipes his mind blank and it doesn’t either hurt or give him joy. He feels detached from the world, like if his spirit was just set free from the prison of his mundane body. He isn’t scared nor sad, he just <em>exists</em>.</p><p>He follows Kogoro upstairs and when he lays down in his bed, he shoots a glance at the silhouette tucked in the blanket on the floor.</p><p>“You are not that different from Goro, you know,” Akira says and there is no answer nor any sort of confirmation that he was heard. It doesn’t stop him, “he tried to kill me, too.”</p><p>There is a weird sound from the futon area, like an amused snort.</p><p>Akira closes his eyes and almost instantly falls asleep. It’s a peaceful slumber with no dreams he didn’t experience in a long time. He doesn’t even dream of the knife reaching it’s goal or regret it didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の</p><p> </p><p>Even though the Thief washes his clothes in the nearby laundromat pretty often, Kogoro can still <em>smell</em> his scent on the shirt he is pulling on. It makes him feel a bit weird, but he doesn’t really know how to name it, so when a brief thought appears, he casts it away soon after.</p><p>It’s cold again, and getting even colder with each passing day, another unnatural thing to experience in this eerie world. On the Ark, temperature was always just right, never changing, like the concept of it didn’t exist there in the first place.</p><p>The cold doesn’t bother him, though, and when he smooths out the wrinkles on the long-sleeved shirt and pulls the sleeves a bit more down, he is even thankful for it, in a way. It’s easier to hide the slowly healing bruise on his wrist.</p><p>How shameful it was of Kogoro to let the enemy injure him like this.</p><p>Even though he looked so defenseless and unharmful.</p><p>Even though he seemed to be suffering so much.</p><p>Kogoro shakes his head with a frown. Recently it feels like he isn’t able to control his thoughts as much as he used to.</p><p>He decides to go downstairs to eat and <em>help out</em>, something Sojiro started forcing him into few days ago.</p><p>“You’ve got plenty of rest now, and since that guy is busy all the time, he has no time to help. And you know, kid, there is this saying – he who doesn’t work, doesn’t eat” was his argument.</p><p>Kogoro goes along with it to avoid headaches born from old man’s nagging. And he doesn’t have much else to do anyways.</p><p>There is a voice, somewhere in the back of his mind, that tells him to put more effort into contacting Shido-san, but it’s getting more and more quiet with each passing day.</p><p>He descends quietly and carefully, habitually avoiding the creaking steps. One time he surprised Akira with how discreetly he moved around, making the Thief jump. He said, then, that Kogoro feels like a shadow in more ways than one, whatever it was supposed to mean.</p><p>Human voices come to his ears when he’s halfway down.</p><p>“So he’s like… Akechi’s evil twin?” Asks a woman and he wonders briefly if he should stop there and listen, but decides against it. He doesn’t care if they are talking about him. They can as well do it with him there.</p><p>“You say it like Akechi wasn’t evil,” comes the reply, this time from a man, his voice slightly annoying. There is a moment of silence, then the sound of sharp breath being inhaled follows. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry, Akira.”</p><p>Kogoro emerges from the small staircase and notes with a small surprise that the tension is rather thick in the air already, even without him there. He casts a single look at the Thieves gathered in the shop today and proceeds to the small bathroom, where the dusters and rugs are stored in the cabinet under the sink. He wants to wipe the booths and the counter before Sojiro comes and even thinks of starting to nag him to do it. Taking orders from anyone other than Shido-san makes his mood turn foul.</p><p>“Guys,” Morgana says, with a tone of warning, and Kogoro can imagine his fluffy head gesturing at the door he disappeared behind. Sure enough, the silence follows, interrupted only by someone’s nails tapping nervously on the table.</p><p>Kogoro gathers up the items he needs and goes outside to start on his task, ignoring the presence of two blond-haired people, even as he feels their wary but curious gazes set on himself. Akira is finishing his breakfast, sitting by the counter, and even though he doesn’t give Kogoro as much as a single glance, he starts eating faster now.</p><p>“He’s really cleaning up?” comes the astonished whisper from the blonde guy, and it makes Kogoro feel like he is some sort of object put on display.</p><p>“I can hear you, you know.” He doesn’t look up. His voice doesn’t lose it’s cool. But the pain in his heart intensifies for a single sting.</p><p>“Oh, uh, right… sorry.” The Thief sounds flustered.</p><p>The tense silence doesn’t fall only thanks to Akira, who quickly shoves the remains of his meal into his mouth and jumps off the bar stool, making a lot of noise.</p><p>“Okay, guys, time to go,” he orders hurriedly and everyone gathers their things up and go for the entrance. “Can I count on you with this?” Akira asks as he squeezes next to Kogoro to put his bowl and spoon in the sink.</p><p>Kogoro can’t help but notice he makes an additional effort to avoid touching him, and feels his grip tighten on the cloth. He wants to smack the Thief with it. Probably.</p><p>There is a lot of awkwardness between them since that night few days ago and Kogoro keeps finding himself at loss of what to do with it. Does he even <em>need</em> to do something? It’s not like the atmosphere is hostile. It’s just… weirdly disturbing. And they talk even less now, even though they barely did in the first place.</p><p>Kogoro nods affirmatively, gritting his teeth, but the Thief doesn’t pay him attention anymore as he is already by the counter again, grabbing his bag and shoving it on his arm.</p><p>Kogoro casts a look behind, at Akira’s back, knowing well that he won’t do the same. Why would he?</p><p>Their eyes meet for a second, before Akira’s head turns again to face his friends, and they leave together. His bag seems bigger, more filled than usual, and something tells Kogoro that it’s probably important. But that voice is barely a whisper now, and it’s easy to ignore it.</p><p>Sojiro comes around sometime later, humming with approval at the sight of the cleaned-up interior. He grumbles something under his nose about how some spots could use more thorough wiping, but seems satisfied overall.</p><p>“Good job,” he says in the end, when Kogoro scowls at him with arms crossed, inches away from saying something inappropriate. “Here, see? I’m praising you. You can still be useful around here.”</p><p>“Why would I want to be useful to y-“</p><p>“Right, right. Come on, do you want to try this out too? Akira is pretty damn good at it now.” Sojiro gestures at the coffee-making glass monster and Kogoro bites his tongue again. For some reason he doesn’t want to lose to Akira in anything.</p><p>He nods and Sojiro tells him to sit down and watch him do it a few times, first.</p><p>The day is progressing slowly and except for the initial cleaning and then occasional customers, nothing is really happening. Kogoro finds himself checking the time pretty often and wonders if the clock is broken – it doesn’t seem to move at all.</p><p>Few hours later he’s dozing off at the counter, over the article in the magazine he was trying to read. For a second, the zebras seem to break free from the attached photo and run straight at him. He jolts awake when his head slips from the hand he was propping it on. </p><p>“Come on, kid, don’t sleep here. You will scare off the customers,” Sojiro nags, because of course he does, and Kogoro makes a point in raising his brows and looking around the empty shop meaningfully. The old man rolls his eyes and sets something down before him.</p><p>Kogoro looks at the dark fluid suspiciously and sniffs the steam raising from the cup. “For me?” he asks simply in Sojiro’s direction, but still eyeing the coffee, like it could jump at him any moment. Just like the damn zebras.</p><p>“Try it, it should help you stay awake.” The man says, watching him with a small grin.</p><p>Kogoro picks up the cup and sips on his drink. He saw how the coffee is being made, saw others drink it, but never tried it himself.</p><p>Only by miracle he doesn’t spit it out.</p><p>“It’s terrible,” he informs Sojiro and pushes the cup away. Then a thought crosses his mind, and he scowls at the man. “Were you trying to poison me?”</p><p>The only answer he gets is another eye roll from Sojiro.</p><p>“This coffee,” the old man says after a few moments of silence, “is you.”</p><p>Kogoro gives him the most emotionless look he is able to shape his face into. Sojiro chuckles to himself and pulls out a small bowl from the cabinet, and a carton with some kind of drink from another.</p><p>“Look,” he says, placing both items on the counter, “you seem to always be so… angry. Angry and bitter. It tastes like this.” He points at the barely touched coffee. “<em>You</em> are like this.”</p><p>Kogoro frowns at the cup. What does this old whiny goat of a man want to say this time?</p><p>“Why are you like this?” Sojiro asks, taking him by surprise. He expected some sort of lecture.</p><p>“What is it to you?”</p><p>“Just tell me, come on.”</p><p>Kogoro fells his frown growing even deeper. “And what else should I be like?” he asks instead, but Sojiro doesn’t seem angry at his answer. In a way, he even seems to be pleased by it. Weirdo.</p><p>“This.” The man points at the cup again. “Is you. But this cup isn’t full. Do you know what it means?”</p><p>Kogoro doesn’t give it much thought. “You can add something to it,” he answers, glancing at the other items on the counter. Really, he isn’t <em>stupid</em>.</p><p>“Those,” Sojiro continues, smirking again, “are different experiences. Knowledge, memories… emotions. People.” He points at the bowl and carton this time. “You can choose which of them are to your liking, take as much of them as you want, and add them to your coffee to change its taste. Each one of them is different, and will give you another result. Only you can judge which amount is the best for you, but before you come up with the perfect one, you will have to try various combinations. Experience them,” Sojiro emphasizes, “And judge based on your experiences.” He looks Kogoro up and down. “Do you understand?”</p><p>Kogoro feels like he does. And it makes the phantom pain in his heart intensify. He clutches at the shirt over it and takes one sharp breath before he explodes.</p><p>“Watch your words,” he seethes through the grit teeth, “who are you to patronize me like this? The only one who has the right to order me is-“</p><p>“Sit down,” Sojiro says calmly, and Kogoro didn’t even realize he stood up, “please,” the man adds and Kogoro finds himself obediently climbing back on the bar stool.</p><p>“Look, kid,” Sojiro starts after a short silence. His expression is focused and somewhat troubled. “Sorry to throw it in your face like this, but you are wrong. <em>No one</em> has the right to order you anything, and especially not Shido. Whatever you were before, I don’t know – this complicated stuff isn’t for old timers like me. But whatever you were before, you are your own person now. You are free.”</p><p>Kogoro looks Sojiro in the eyes and doesn’t understand.</p><p>No, <em>Sojiro</em> doesn’t understand.</p><p>Kogoro was born from Shido-san’s mind. He only has one purpose in his life, and it’s to be Shido-san’s shield, even if it costs him his life. He isn’t like that loser Goro, he <em>won’t</em> sway from the path that was built for him.</p><p>He will do everything for Shido-san. He <em>can</em> do everything for him.</p><p>He looks away from Sojiro, and his gaze lands on the knife laying by the cutting board in the kitchen. It’s the same knife he slipped into his hand while Akira wasn’t paying attention, the same one he was going to use to kill him. Why <em>didn’t</em> he?</p><p>The pain becomes unbearable and radiates from his chest to his lungs and throat, making it hard to breathe.</p><p><em>Why</em> didn’t he?</p><p>He could have done it, even when the Thief noticed.</p><p>Why didn’t he?</p><p>Kogoro shakes his head and shuts his eyes close, clutches at the shirt again. He wants to rip his heart out of the ribcage. Maybe this way he will be able to see the answer, as they say, on the palm of his hand. He giggles at the image and it sounds ghastly, even he winces hearing it leave his lips.</p><p>“Do you get it now?” Sojiro’s strict tone makes Kogoro snap back to reality.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he answers. It’s true. He doesn’t know anything anymore.</p><p>“That’s good,” Sojiro smiles and this time the smile is… warm. It melts away some of the pain in Kogoro’s heart too. “That’s why we learn.”</p><p>The vortex of thoughts doesn’t leave his mind for the rest of the day, and everything that happens outside of his head feels like it’s hidden behind a thick fog. At some point he excuses himself and goes upstairs, not able to focus on anything. His mind is running wild in unstoppable race of thoughts, questions, hypothetical answers. He never felt this way before, and so he doesn’t know how to deal with it, besides laying down and letting himself <em>think</em>.</p><p>A pleasant scent embraces him while he’s doing so, and even the always present pain seems to be fading away with each breath. He almost completely forgot now how it feels to breathe normally, to <em>be</em> without it.</p><p>Only when the sky outside gets completely dark and he hears the slow, exhausted but familiar steps on the stairs, he realizes something. He didn’t lay down at his own futon, but at Akira’s bed.</p><p>It’s too late to pretend he didn’t do so, so he just continues staring at the ceiling above it. He never noticed before, but there are small, glowing stars attached to it.</p><p>Their glow disappears in the sudden outburst of light when Akira switches the lamp on.</p><p>“Oh,” comes his slightly surprised, but mostly <em>tired</em> voice. “What are you doing?”</p><p>Kogoro doesn’t know how to answer. What <em>was</em> he doing?</p><p>“I’ve been thinking.” He decides on the general truth.</p><p>“About?” Akira asks, conversationally, and it’s the tone he never used with Kogoro before. He only spoke this way to others.</p><p>Kogoro rolls his head to the side to look at him, and it’s just in time to see Morgana hop off Akira’s bag. So he’s here tonight.</p><p>“The pain vanished,” he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. Then, he realizes. “The pain vanished,” he repeats with a surprise. “It’s gone!” He jumps off the bed and feels his chest habitually, but there really is no trace of it. His lips form into something new. It’s probably what others call a <em>smile</em>. Kogoro feels very light, and he looks at Akira, triumphantly and expectantly. What is he expecting? He, yet again, doesn’t know.</p><p>Akira smiles back weakly, but he doesn’t quite meet Kogoro’s gaze. He still didn’t move from one spot since he got here. “That’s great,” he says.</p><p>“What happened?” Kogoro feels like something <em>did</em> happen. When Akira doesn’t answer, he looks at Morgana.</p><p>“Well, you see…” Morgana trails off and waves his tail nervously, then shoots a look at Akira. His eyes are focused on everything but them. The cat sighs. “We took down Shido’s Palace.”</p><p>Kogoro feels his first smile falter and drop, like the last leaves falling from the trees which he saw when he first came to this world. Then, he feels something sink in his chest. His mind goes blank, empty like it once was, but this time the only thing in it isn’t the urge to follow Shido-san’s orders. It’s a single thought.</p><p>He failed.</p><p>He was <em>right there</em> to stop the Thieves, all this time. But he <em>still</em> failed.</p><p>Kogoro feels his muscles go numb as he starts walking towards the stairs.</p><p>“Kogoro?” Morgana asks, cautiously, maybe with a trace of worry.</p><p><em>He</em> failed.</p><p>“Kogoro, listen,” Akira catches his arm but he rips it off himself and pushes the Thief away. There is a loud thud, maybe he hit the shelf. But it doesn’t matter.</p><p>He <em>failed</em>.</p><p>One moment he is on the stairs, and the next he holds the same knife again in a tight grip.</p><p><em>He failed</em>.</p><p>There is nothing for him here anymore.</p><p>He-</p><p>“Stop it!”</p><p>Some great force rips the knife away from his hand and it comes with a loud clang when it lands on the floor. The same force catches his arms and shakes him once, firmly.</p><p>“Come to your senses!” Akira <em>orders</em> and Kogoro feels himself shrink under the power of his voice.</p><p>The fog is there again, he knows his eyes are open but he can’t see anything. He can only bring his hands to his head and clutch at hair as some pitiful, painful sound escapes his throat. It continues, and it scrapes his throat, and it robs his lungs off air.</p><p>If the Ark is gone, he should be gone to, shouldn’t he?</p><p>He <em>wants </em>to go, but Akira’s fingers dig into the flesh on his forearms.</p><p>Something wet and hot forms in the corners of his eyes and starts streaming down his face. It hurts his eyes, it itches, it’s uncomfortable and disgusting. And Kogoro has seen it before.</p><p>He tries to blink the water away but it’s not stopping. At least his throat finally gave up, and only focuses on transporting air to lungs now.</p><p>Through the hazy mist, he finally catches the glimpse of something. It’s the pair of two stormy grey eyes, as they watch him silently but firmly. There is also something else in them, similar to how Sojiro looked at him earlier. It feels warm and gentle and Kogoro wants to experience it.</p><p>He tries to tell it to Akira, but he doesn’t make it in time before the Thief leans forward and his hands move to Kogoro’s back, the movement trapping his face in the crook of Akira’s neck.</p><p>“It’s okay,” the Thief whispers into his ear. “It will be okay.”</p><p>Kogoro doesn’t know what else to do but try and mimic the gesture.</p><p>His breath still catches, the tears aren’t stopping, but when he clings to Akira with all his body, he finally feels <em>grounded</em>. Like if this whole time he was just a spirit – floating, thrown around wherever the wind pushed him – and now, at last, he found his footing, and the chance to just <em>be</em>.</p><p>Be himself.</p><p>Whoever it is.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I promise it won't get worse, it's only the way up now! TwT</p><p>Next: Recognition</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Recognition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Akira starts to recognize and make peace with his complicated feelings towards Kogoro.</p><p>Kogoro anxiously awaits Akira's return, but he is also scared and unsure about his own place in Akira's life.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello guys, important notice this time - through this chapter some serious tension accidentally built up and some things escalated, but since it wasn't planned and tagged before, I've decided to separate a part of this chapter into another entry.<br/>It's entirely up to you if you want to see the sexual tension resolved or not.<br/>If you do - read the next chapter (marked 5th but it's direct continuation of the last scene here, so it's the 4.5)<br/>If you don't, stop reading after this chapter and ignore the next one, jump straight to the 6th when it updates.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"E ifnt ebil," Futaba says, with a mouth stuffed with curry, and Akira's mind translates it to <em>he isn't evil</em> with a small lag. "He was like," she continues after swallowing, "forced to be what Shido imagined him to be, but now, that he is no longer under his influence, he should be free to think and do things on his own. It’s impossible to control him in the real world. And to answer your second question, I guess some things are just coded in the body, you can't overcome genetics and stuff like individual ticks and habits." She points the spoon at Kogoro. "At least that's my theory."</p><p>Kogoro looks at her emotionlessly from his spot on the sofa, probably processing the information. It doesn't seem like he has any questions – Akira guesses that he is probably not really interested in this, since he didn’t speak a single word all this time – but Akira does.</p><p>"So, how does it work?" He really doesn't have the brain of genius researcher's daughter to figure it out on his own. "Is he, like, two in one?"</p><p>"You watch too many commercials." Of all things, Kogoro finds <em>this</em> worthy to comment on. "I'm not a detergent," he says, and Akira wonders who it really is that watches too much TV.</p><p>Futaba looks between the two of them while chewing on another scoop of curry. Her cheeks are full like a hamster’s.</p><p>“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Kogoro warns her with a frown, when she opens it. “It’s unaesthetic.”</p><p>“U found wike Inari” she comments just to spite him, but then chickens out and swallows properly, sets the spoon aside. “I don’t know if it’s that easy, Akira. I would say no, he isn’t. But it’s just a part of the more complicated truth. But at the same time… let’s put it like this, maybe. The conscious part of him is Kogoro, but the unconscious one, the one that’s responsible for his abilities, tendencies… impulses,“ she looks down at the table, “it’s partially the late Akechi’s.”</p><p>Akira looks at her, unsure if he understands. When she notices it, she sighs and tries once again.</p><p>“Imagine it like this. Akechi had a room, super personalized, with all materials from work and school and other stuff in it. But he moved out and now Kogoro inherited all of that. But since he’s new there, he needs time to go through all of this. And even if he does, it’s just materials, not actual experiences. He’s his own person now.”</p><p>Akira is the one to look down now. All this time he thought he abandoned all hope already, but turns out he didn’t, after all. He notices Kogoro’s hand forming a fist where he keeps it rested on his lap under the table.</p><p>“Is there any way,” Kogoro asks Futaba, voice somewhat tense, “that he will be back?” The other half of the question is barely a whisper.</p><p>“No.” Futaba shakes her head and the pompons of her winter hat swing left and right. “I don’t think it’s possible.”</p><p>Kogoro’s hand relaxes but it’s trembling slightly, and it hits Akira that he might be scared. He came to this world, gained a chance to live a new, free life, and just when he starts getting used to it the question arises if he can get replaced back.</p><p>The freshly gained sympathy for the cognitive squeezes his heart in embarrassment and guilt for starting the topic. It must be a terrifying thought, wondering if one day your consciousness can just disappear.</p><p>He reaches out under the table without thinking and squeezes Kogoro’s hand. The sign of both apology and attempt to comfort him. The least he can do now.</p><p>The other’s body tenses up visibly, but he doesn’t throw the hand away.</p><p>“Since we are on this topic already,” Akira speaks up again after a minute of silence, watching as Futaba accelerates the process of shoving curry into her mouth, “do you have any theories on what the pain he felt all the time until Shido’s Palace fall could have been?” he asks, and Futaba chokes on her food and blushes.</p><p>“W-well, I did think about it, but there doesn’t seem to be any sort of scientific explanation for it. S-so it’s kind of… uh, romantic, I guess” she mumbles under her breath.</p><p>“Well?” Kogoro asks, when she doesn’t continue.</p><p>Futaba clears her throat. “You said that it hurt where you… where you’ve hit him.” She glances at Akira and he feels the familiar dryness in his throat.</p><p>It was Shido’s fault, he thinks. It was all Shido.</p><p>Kogoro nods affirmatively, no trace of emotions on his face.</p><p>Akira wonders if it feels like another life to him, like if someone else’s hands did it.</p><p>“So, what I think is, maybe some part of him remained with you until Shido’s fall. Be it to stop you, or to guide you… to become the curse or the blessing, I don’t know.” Futaba’s voice was still slightly embarrassed, but serious. “As I’m saying, it’s purely hypothetical. I think you can just choose what it became in the end.”</p><p>“So you think it’s no longer there?” Kogoro takes one hand up to his chest and looks down at it.</p><p>Futaba shrugs. “I don’t know. The dying will… the unfinished businesses, it all reeks of ghosts a bit too much to consider the possibility seriously. But at the same time, we <em>saw</em> what human’s cognition can do, what it can lead to. Maybe Akechi was special… in more ways than one. Maybe he wanted to see it through till the end before…” she looked at Akira again, “moving on.”</p><p>The talk leaves him lost in thoughts for the rest of the day. He doesn’t have much to do – except for preparing for the next day at school and their final trip to Mementos, in search for Morgana’s true identity – so he lets his mind wander.</p><p>Only a few days have passed since Shido’s Palace’s fall and Kogoro’s attempt at taking his own life. It seems, however, that after that one incident he calmed down and accepted his new beginning.</p><p>Akira envies him for that – it seems that he himself won’t be free from the prison of his own mind for a while. The only thing he can do now is to slowly accept the facts, Goro’s death included, and move on, like Futaba suggested detective’s spirit did, too.</p><p>“I never wanted to lose to you in anything, so I may as well make some effort to do the same in this matter,” he murmurs under his breath.</p><p>He regrets not having any memento of him, though he guesses Kogoro himself is, in a way, one.</p><p>The thought leads him to another. Akira is supposed to stay in Leblanc until the end of this school year. But what after that? What will happen to Kogoro?</p><p>He can’t imagine forcing him to go into the world and strive to survive alone. It reminds him too much of what Goro had to experience as a child. He can’t do this to him.</p><p>"What are you thinking about?" The sound of Kogoro's voice snaps him back to reality and Akira meets his careful gaze when he turns to face him.</p><p>Kogoro must have just came upstairs to the attic, and he either didn't finish helping Sojiro yet for today, or forgot to take off the green working apron.</p><p>"It suits you," Akira comments instead of answering, points at the apron with his chin.</p><p>Kogoro raises his left hand and tucks the lock of hair behind the ear, then pauses and looks at his palm with a small frown, like if he saw it for the first time.</p><p>"Thank you," he says to his hand, then looks Akira in the face again, "is, I suppose, what I should say in this situation," he finishes, killing all the charm of it.</p><p>Akira chuckles despite that. He is getting used to Kogoro's quirks by now. He can, at least, see him trying to function as a normal person.</p><p>"I was thinking about that talk we’ve had with Futaba earlier," he decides to tell him after all. "And what will become of you later."</p><p>Kogoro shuffles on his feet. His face shifts into something akin to worry. Then he takes one step forward, then another, and soon he is standing before Akira, looking him in the eyes.</p><p>"I can't say I regret what I did to... Goro. I’m unable to," he starts, and Akira tries his best not to wince, not to let his mind wander into dangerous territory. What Kogoro says next, however, comes as a surprise to him. "There is something else, though. I'm not sorry for his death, but I'm sorry I've caused <em>you</em> pain through it."</p><p>Akira looks at him for a moment in silence, not sure if he understands.</p><p>"Is that," he swallows, "what you suppose you should say in this situation?"</p><p>"No." Kogoro looks... irritated? "No, it's how I," his voice breaks down, judging from his expression, surprising even him, "it's how I feel," he finishes in the end and it sounds bitter, like admitting defeat to his enemy.</p><p>And maybe, in a sense, it's exactly what he's doing now.</p><p>Akira doesn't know what to think of it, but it’s probably the first time Kogoro expressed his own feelings towards him so clearly, and it seems like an important step forward. So he decides to accept it.</p><p>The night falls quickly, as it is already the end of December, with the Christmas Eve the next day. He talks to Morgana quietly about their plans for tomorrow, even while Kogoro isn’t there right now. Not because he doesn’t want him to know – the matter is just very personal to his friend.</p><p>When the cat finally tells him to get some rest already, and goes off to sleep downstairs himself, Akira pretends to do so until Kogoro comes back from the bathroom and lays down on his futon. Only then he allows his heavy eyelids to finally fall down and for the sleep to take him.</p><p>The revelations he experiences in the Velvet Room that night make him wake up in a cold sweat. Igor who wasn’t really Igor, twins who weren’t really twins – it feels like everything he knew about his so-called mission as the Trickster fell apart.</p><p>He was being deceived for so long, and has the Yaldabaoth not revealed his true intentions and identity, who knows for what he could use Akira’s naïve trust and – through him – the Thieves.</p><p>He realizes he woke up so abruptly he sat up only a few moments later. Then, he notices Kogoro is sitting on the edge of his bed, again.</p><p>Akira takes a deep breath and throws him a sideway glance. “Can’t sleep?” he asks. “Or did I wake you up?”</p><p>Kogoro doesn’t answer, just keeps looking at him, and Akira feels a chill run up his spine when the unwanted thought climbs its way to his head, like a creeping shadow. It’s not fully materialized yet, it just bears traces of pain, betrayal, deceit, and makes him realize he, unwillingly but undeniably, came to trust Kogoro in some partially twisted way.</p><p>Even though they were enemies – no, <em>because</em> they were enemies, the things they expected from each other, their boundaries, everything was set clearly.</p><p>But now, that Kogoro isn’t his enemy, who exactly is he to him?</p><p>He couldn’t hurt Akira before, because Akira expected it on every single step. But now, that he stopped, he became truly vulnerable. He grips the edge of the blanket almost unconsciously.</p><p>“Do you,” Kogoro speaks up suddenly, his voice that careful, measured tone yet again, “always only see bad things in your dreams?”</p><p>He thinks for a second before responding with his own question. It feels like their talks have a lot of that.</p><p>"Do you have... any?"</p><p>Kogoro tilts his head to the side, the weak light of the moon playfully glimmering on a few strands of hair falling loosely by his face.</p><p>"Dreams? Since I came here, sometimes."</p><p>"What do you usually dream about?"</p><p>Kogoro falls silent again, regards Akira contemplatively. Maybe it was a bad idea to ask?</p><p>"You don't have to tell me if-"</p><p>"You," the other answers simply, cutting him off.</p><p>"...me?" He adjusts his position on the bed, crosses his legs. "Why me? What do I do there?"</p><p>Kogoro reaches out to him slowly and Akira quietly observes, strangely fascinated by the pale bareness of his hand. One long, slim finger touches his knee, featherlight, and slides down his thigh, making him shiver slightly.</p><p>"You touch me," Kogoro whispers, "and I used to hate it."</p><p>He takes his hand away but the trace left by his finger lingers, tickling Akira's skin under the sleeping pants.</p><p>There is a question on Akira's mind, but he decides not to ask it. Not yet.</p><p>"I dream about many things," he finally answers Kogoro’s question instead. "A lot has happened. A lot of bad things. And, I guess, since I don't want to think about them during the day, they come to me at night."</p><p>He doesn't know why is he telling this to Kogoro. He didn't say anything about the nightmares, about his worries, to his friends, after all.</p><p>And Kogoro wasn't even that to him.</p><p>Maybe it's because he saw him going through them many times now. Maybe because he saw him being as vulnerable as he could get and didn't hate him for it. Didn't judge, didn't show a trace of disappointment, something Akira constantly searches for in the faces of others.</p><p>"Are you scared?" Kogoro asks suddenly, and his eyes narrow slightly, like a thought occurred to him. "When I first came to this world, I was. I was scared... and angry." He looks at Akira from behind the curtain of long eyelashes, his black eyes so dark they seem to devour any light cast their way. "I was alone, too. You were never alone. He..." Kogoro gestures at himself. "He was alone, too."</p><p>Akira doesn't answer. He doesn't know how to.</p><p>"I said to him, back then, that he wanted to be loved. That he wanted to be needed. But now I realize it's probably what everyone wants. It's what you want, too. And it's what… I want."</p><p>Akira looks down at his hands, dark as the shadows embracing them.</p><p>It's the first time he hears Kogoro talk so much.</p><p>It's probably the first time he listens to him for so long.</p><p>Not much time has passed since the cognitive came to this world, but it seems that he gained the ability to recognize other’s emotions very quickly.</p><p>But recognizing them and understanding them are two different things, aren't they?</p><p>"Do you know what love is?" Akira asks, and immediately feels weird.</p><p>Does he himself know?</p><p>"I don't think I do," the other answers truthfully and Akira feels strangely relieved, "but it's probably one of the <em>experiences</em> Sojiro talked about." He shivers slightly and takes his hands up to his arms, rubs them in an unmistakably human gesture. "I'm cold, I'm going back to sleep."</p><p>So he did wake him up, after all. Is what Akira thinks.</p><p>He reaches out to Kogoro, who already stood up, and tugs on the hem of his shirt. Is what he does.</p><p>"I'm cold, too," he blurts out when Kogoro looks at him without understanding, but it doesn't seem to get rid of that problem. "You... you can... do you want to...?" He feels the heat raise up to his cheeks when the words fail him.</p><p>"I'm scared," he says in the end, like he is admitting to having committed a grave sin, and the realization of the confession's truth hits him like a hammer, pounding the air out of his lungs.</p><p>He is scared.</p><p>He has been scared all this time.</p><p>Of his responsibility as the leader, of losing someone, of being betrayed, of getting hurt.</p><p>He feels pathetic, but the pure relief of getting the words out of his mind, sharing his struggle to someone, overwhelms him more.</p><p>He lets go of Kogoro's shirt and lays down on the bed, hiding his face in the hands, like he could fool anyone.</p><p>The mattress creaks when Kogoro sits back next to him, and it does again when he lays down.</p><p>Akira doesn't protest when the two hands, cold with late December's touch, bring him strongly but gently to Kogoro's chest.</p><p>He doesn't let any sound leave his lips as he buries his face against the side of his warm neck, the steady pulse of another living human resonating steadily through his whole body.</p><p>"Don't cry." Kogoro whispers it as if he is chanting a spell, and Akira can feel one of his hands ran through his hair, stroke his neck and back. "I will teach you a magic trick."</p><p>Akira can hear the echo of his own words in it and his lips quirk into a smile, even if it doesn't stop the tears streaming down his cheeks.</p><p>"There were times when I was alone, and there still are," he says quietly even as his voice breaks and weavers. "I wanted him to be with me and for him to accept me by his side." He continues, even though for some reason the words sound cruel even in his own ears. "But I probably don’t mind being… together with you, too.”</p><p>Kogoro’s hand freezes.</p><p>“Do you think of me as a replacement for him?” he asks, and his voice lacks it’s usual strength.</p><p>Akira can’t see his face but in his mind there is the look of uncertainty lingering on it. He knows how it sounded like, but it’s not what he meant.</p><p>“I-“ he hurries to explain, but Kogoro’s sudden movement cuts him off.</p><p>He gets pushed off and thrown on his back again, the other pinning him down.</p><p>This has also happened before, but with reversed roles.</p><p>“I’m not him.” For all the certainty in his movements, it sounds like a plea.</p><p>Akira doesn’t have another choice but to look straight at him, the image twisted by his own tears that haven’t stopped yet, by the darkness of the room.</p><p>By raw emotions, finding their way to Kogoro’s face like the random letters typed on the keyboard, elements of the code they both know but have no way of learning the meaning behind.</p><p>“Sometimes I do things and I don’t know if it’s me or him who wants them. Sometimes I speak the words that I’ve never had before and I don’t know if it’s me or him who forms them. Sometimes I feel things and… how do I know they really belong to me?” His gaze pierces through Akira with a frightening intensity, demanding answers, affirmation.</p><p>Akira blinks, trying to shoo his tears away.</p><p>If they are both so broken they will only continue to crumble. He can’t expect someone who only starts to learn about human heart and emotions to support him.</p><p>No.</p><p>If they are both pillars falling towards each other, they can still meet along the way and support one another from completely breaking.</p><p>“I have never once mistaken you for him,” he whispers, a slightly absurd thought crossing his mind that he doesn’t want even Goro’s spirit, if it was real, to listen. “Even though I loved him, he was always beyond my reach.”</p><p>He can see Kogoro’s silhouette shift slightly when the other puts his weight off one hand, which he then brings to Akira’s face.</p><p>The cool touch on his cheekbones tells him the traces left by tears are being wiped away gently, but he doesn’t look away, searching for Kogoro’s eyes with his own.</p><p>“You are not him,” he murmurs and looks at his expression relaxing slowly.</p><p>“I will prove it to you,” Kogoro says finally, after the long silence, as he bends down, their faces not even a breath away.</p><p>Even though Akira isn’t sure if they both really know what they are doing, it sounds like a promise, and he can feel it tickle and burn inside his stomach, rag his breathing.</p><p>The guilt is there too, and although the self-loathing seems to have weakened a bit, he never expected accepting the truth to be easy in the first place.</p><p>“Is that a part of the spell?” he manages to ask, ashamed of his heart hammering strongly against his ribs when Kogoro traces his jaw with the soft lips.</p><p>“I wonder,” the other murmurs into the corner of his mouth, but doesn’t kiss him. “Is it making you forget?”</p><p>When Akira doesn’t answer, he draws back and lays down next to him on the bed, reaches out with one hand and drapes the blanket over them both.</p><p>They stay like this for a while, in silence, arms touching, and Akira feels his body calming down slowly.</p><p>The warmth he can feel at his side feels different to what he is used to, but it’s calming and comfortable and he lets it embrace him.</p><p>“Tomorrow,” he speaks up quietly after a few long minutes, wondering if Kogoro fell asleep already, as his breathing becomes slower and  more even, “we have one last thing to do in Mementos, and after that… after that we will figure things out slowly, one by one.”</p><p> </p><p>認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の</p><p> </p><p>They don’t.</p><p>For the whole next day, since the very morning – as he goes to <em>school</em>, a mysterious place of suffering and legalized slavery (at least according to that short, orange-haired girl that is apparently Sojiro’s daughter) – until the deep of the night, Akira doesn’t return to the café.</p><p>It’s not weird, Kogoro thinks, rubbing his chest, trying to ease this weird feeling swelling inside it.</p><p>It’s not weird, he didn’t come back like this before, two or three times, due to his <em>jobs</em>.</p><p>Telling himself that doesn’t help.</p><p>Sojiro, who by this time usually closes up the café and goes home, doesn’t do so today, and it makes Kogoro feel even more restless. He goes downstairs for the fourth time this hour and pretends to make himself a drink.</p><p>He has already poured two glasses of water into the plant’s pot in Akira’s room.</p><p>“Are you worried about that guy?” Sojiro asks this time, even though he mostly left him alone during all the previous trips downstairs.</p><p>“Worried?” Kogoro never felt <em>worried</em> before.</p><p>“You seem agitated. But I kind of get it.” Sojiro sighs and looks at the clock on the wall. “For some reason, I’m having this bad feeling today. I hope it’s no—”</p><p>The door to the café breaks open.</p><p>“Sojiro!” Futaba’s voice is a sharp, high-pitched shrill. She storms in with panic in her eyes. “Sojiro, Sojiro, Sojiro, this is bad! It’s super-duper bad! The baddest!” She rams into the café owner and clings to his shirt, breaking into tears.</p><p>Sojiro’s eyes widen as he looks towards the door, and Kogoro follows his gaze. There is only that short-haired, mature-looking girl standing there, her face twisted into something complicated.</p><p>“Where is Akira?” Sojiro asks with a frown.</p><p>The silence follows, disturbed only by Futaba’s ragged sobbing. And something else.</p><p>Kogoro notices the tap water is still running, the glass he’s holding overfilled and flooding for who knows how long already. He turns the water off and looks towards Makoto again.</p><p>“Sis contacted me while we were on our way to the subway,” she starts eventually, and he takes a deep breath because somehow he forgot to breathe for a moment and his lungs are burning. “Akira lagged behind so I was taking care of Futaba b-but,” she stutters, but clears her throat and continues, “Sis said she took him to the police station. He is going to testify against Shido, he—” She shoots a look at Kogoro, who didn’t yet move from his spot, gripping the glass a bit too hard in his fingers, “they are going to put him in the juvie.”</p><p>Futaba’s crying turns into desperate wail but there is another sound that rings even louder than that, and everyone goes silent and flinch in surprise as something <em>shatters</em>.</p><p>Kogoro can feel his socks getting wet and cold and he looks down at his feet.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>The glass he was holding just a second ago is now a hundred pieces of transparent sharpness.</p><p>He looks at Sojiro, not sure what to do.</p><p>Futaba sniffs and hiccups.</p><p>Sojiro looks at Makoto, then back at Kogoro.</p><p>“Careful with that,” he says as he pets Futaba’s back. “Niijima-san, I guess there is nothing we can do about it for now?”</p><p>Makoto shakes her head with the… pained? expression.</p><p>“Alright,” Sojiro sighs. “You go back home for today, it’s getting late. Thanks for… seeing Futaba off and letting us know.”</p><p>Makoto shuffles on her feet. “Can we drop by tomorrow? To discuss.”</p><p>By <em>we</em> she probably means the other Phantom Thieves.</p><p>“Sure.” Boss waves his hand at her, so she bows and disappears back into the night. “Okay, kids,” he turns to them again, still hugging Futaba with one arm. “Futaba, let me clean up and close the shop first, okay? You can sit down for now. I will make you some curry at home.”</p><p>“Did he do something wrong?” Kogoro asks, before Sojiro can dismiss him too. His voice sounds weak. The wet socks are feeling gross.</p><p>“Oh, right.” Sojiro knits his brows and gently pushes the still hiccupping Futaba to sit on the bar stool. “You probably don’t know the whole story.”</p><p>And he tells Kogoro about everything that happened to Akira, Shido’s involvement included, as they carefully sweep the broken glass and clean up the mess Kogoro made.</p><p>When he lays awake that night, unable to sleep even after moving to Akira’s bed, he realizes yet again how little does he know about this world.</p><p>And when he turns face-down, burying his face in the pillow, breathing in the familiar, calming scent, it feels like the world is Akira.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t come back the next day.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t come back the next</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t come back the</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t come back</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t come</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t</p><p> </p><p>He—</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe we should just turn <em>him</em> in as the perpetrator?”</p><p>Kogoro doesn’t have to turn around to confirm it, he can feel the vulgar-looking guy’s eyes drilling holes in his back. He grips the cloth in his hand tighter.</p><p>“Ryuji, stop it!” One of the girls calls out. “We are all angry and desperate but taking it out on him won’t solve anything!”</p><p>“He can’t even testify anything in the first place.” He can recognize Makoto’s cool, reasonable-sounding voice. “After all, he isn’t even—”</p><p> </p><p>Akira doesn’t come back that day either.</p><p> </p><p>And the next</p><p> </p><p>And the next</p><p> </p><p>And the next</p><p> </p><p>And the next</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And Kogoro</p><p>After all</p><p>He isn’t even</p><p>
  <em>real</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“—for the Valentine’s day tomorrow! Areee youuu ready?!” the idol girl chirps from the screen and Kogoro hits the red button on the pilot to shut her up.</p><p>“Hey, I was listening to that!” The only customer, the only (other) human in the shop calls out to him with apparent displeasure in his voice. “Didn’t you hear, it’s Risette’s new song after such a long break!”</p><p>“I,” Kogoro emphasizes, “Don’t care. About your Risette.” He slams the pilot on the counter and it opens, the batteries spring out and roll away, drop to the floor.</p><p>He only cares about Akira.</p><p>The customer grumbles under his breath, complaining about the quality of the service dropping recently. Sojiro would probably drag Kogoro down to his knees by the ear and make him apologize for being mean to one of the regulars like this.</p><p>But Sojiro isn’t here today.</p><p>Sojiro went to pick up Akira, to bring him back.</p><p>It’s been two and half months since Akira didn’t return home, and to Kogoro each day has been an agony, the searing pain in his throat and lungs that didn’t disappear no matter how cold his drinks or the water in the shower were.</p><p>He wants to see him again. He wants to see him <em>now</em>.</p><p>He paces behind the counter, shooting anxious glances towards the door every five seconds.</p><p>His heart sinks and something squeezes it hard when he hears the familiar jingle, but it’s just that annoying customer leaving.</p><p>He wants to see Akira, but he’s scared.</p><p>Two months is a long time. It’s longer than they’ve spent together.</p><p>Kogoro never <em>knew</em> what time really was before he even came to this world, but he has already learnt to fear that he will run out of it, by now.</p><p>Akira is <em>all</em> Kogoro has.</p><p>But Akira has so many <em>others</em>.</p><p>The jingle sounds again, and this time it’s him.</p><p>He looks just like Kogoro remembers him, the same raven, disheveled hair, stormy grey eyes. But he looks tired, so tired, like if he just woke up from one of his nightmares.</p><p>“Hey,” he says to Kogoro, and his heart stops just for a little bit when, against all odds, Akira <em>smiles</em> at him. “Your hair is longer.”</p><p>Kogoro reflexively raises his hand, fingers brushing against the loose ponytail. “Yes.” Is all he can say, because he didn’t plan what will come <em>after</em> he sees Akira again. He was only trying to make it till this moment.</p><p>The day passes like a dream, or maybe Kogoro’s whole existence until now was only a dream.</p><p>He looks at Akira, tired, but bright, but <em>trying</em>, so alive and so real, and he recalls once again what Makoto said about himself.</p><p>“What, aren’t you happy to see me?” Akira asks him, when he notices Kogoro frowning at his thoughts. His tone is a bit weird, <em>new</em>, it sounds like he is joking but also like he is being serious.</p><p>Kogoro can feel his frown deepen as he looks away, but the next moment Akira appears right before him and pokes his finger at Kogoro’s forehead, right between the eyebrows.</p><p>“I— I am,” Kogoro mutters, because it’s too hot suddenly and he needs more space to breathe.</p><p>But Akira doesn’t move away, only his hand does, leaving the burning spot of skin in its place.</p><p>“You don’t sound convinced,” he says, seriously and somewhat bitterly, and Kogoro dares to take a look at him.</p><p>He looks… sad.</p><p>Akira tries to move away.</p><p>But Kogoro can’t take him being away even more than him being close.</p><p>He pulls Akira back, even closer than they were before, and their chests <em>almost</em> touch, but he is too scared to close the distance completely.</p><p>The heart in his chest wants to break free in the rapid thumps. He is sick with anxiety.</p><p>What if Akira touches him and feels no heartbeat?</p><p>“Hey,” Akira’s breath tickles his cheek and Kogoro swallows, bends his body slightly away. What is he doing? “What are you doing?” He’s fighting a very hard battle.</p><p>Akira’s hands <em>touch</em> his stomach and he can hear a quiet whimper leave his own lips as his muscles shrink and stiffen. He clasps one hand against his traitorous mouth but Akira peels it away gently.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asks in a hushed voice that feels hot against Kogoro’s suddenly sensitive ear. He swallows and Akira’s hand that’s still on his stomach slides up to his ribs and then higher, where the hollow, black spot resides inside of Kogoro’s body.</p><p>Everything is wrong. Nothing is wrong.</p><p>“Don’t—” Kogoro protests softly, but Akira’s hand is already there, where he can feel his heart racing wildly and he takes in the sharp breath and waits for Akira to tell him that, after all, he isn’t even—</p><p>“Real,” Akira whispers, voice trembling slightly. “You are so real, and all this time I was afraid everything was only a dream.”</p><p>Kogoro doesn’t understand.</p><p>No.</p><p>It was <em>him</em> who was afraid, it was <em>him</em>, who—</p><p>Akira grasps his wrist carefully, softly, and places it on his own heart. It’s pounding rhythm is no slower than Kogoro’s, and a thought passes his mind if it’s possible for two hearts to race each other or, if too close, they become an echo of one other, but he will never know because</p><p>he blinks and his vision sharpens suddenly, the vacuum bubble that surrounded him pops and he can suddenly hear his own breathing and Akira’s one, a bit ragged, and he can see the flush of pink on his cheekbones and see his chest raise up and fall down in a mismatched pace that lacks the solid pattern, and then he meets his eyes for the first time in <em>months</em> and he wants to get lost in them, so he dives in because</p><p>if there is anyone in this world at all who can tell him what the right thing is, it’s Akira.</p><p>It’s always been Akira, and it will always be.</p><p>Their mouths become one and it’s all flesh and tongues and teeth and hot breaths with the spice of mint because they were just planning to go to sleep.</p><p>Kogoro doesn’t think he will sleep today.</p><p>Or ever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The final warning - if you want to see the continuation of this scene, read the next chapter.<br/>If you don't want to read the sexual content - stop reading now and wait for the chapter 6 (really 5) to update!</p><p>Next time: Acceptance</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Recognition, part 2 (sexual content warning!)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The double update today!<br/>This chapter is the 4.5, see the previous chapter first and read the author's notes carefully!</p><p>Actual Summary:</p><p>I can’t believe it<br/>Kogoro has his sexual awakening<br/>The fic</p><p>- my lovely beta, 1.09.2020</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You have been warned.<br/>Also, they are very soft.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the back of his mind he thinks he’s glad Morgana came back, too, but he is even more glad that the cat isn’t here tonight.</p><p>Akira’s hand finds its way under his shirt and where he touches him it’s like a cold sting at first, but then it <em>burns</em> and his breath catches sharply in his throat every time, until he can’t take it anymore and has to pull away for oxygen.</p><p>He inhales deeply and is about to lunge at Akira, <em>into</em> Akira again, but the look on his face stops him in the last second.</p><p>“I thought you hated it,” Akira smirks the smile of <em>victory</em>, and his blazing pupils wander on Kogoro’s face.</p><p>“It’s disgusting,” Kogoro scoffs, for old times’ sake and now <em>he</em> feels like he won, because Akira’s face freezes in surprise for a second, before he adds, “do it again.”</p><p>And he does, again and again until everything Kogoro has learned in this life melts away, leaving only one word inside his mind.</p><p>“Akira,” he moans against his lips, because he keeps wanting more and <em>more</em> but he doesn’t know what more is.</p><p>Akira gasps and stumbles and trips, pulling Kogoro with him as he falls on the futon spread on the floor. They land on it softly, but a part of Kogoro <em>hurts</em>, even though he certainly didn’t hit it.</p><p>He moves over Akira, wanting to touch it, but when he does, he feels something brush against his thigh and Akira inhales sharply.</p><p>Kogoro feels a sudden panic clench on his throat.</p><p>Did he hurt him? What is he going to do if he did? He doesn’t know a single thing about first-aid or treating wounds. And it felt hard to the touch, did he break a bone?</p><p>Before he even thinks of asking Akira about it first, he reaches out with his hand, brushing against it again, this time with his fingers, delicately, to not damage it any further. Akira makes a sound, like something between a gasp and moan, and Kogoro feels the blood drain from his face.</p><p>So he did hurt him after all. He meets Akira’s terrified gaze but suddenly realizes there is more in it. His eyes seem a bit unfocused, even when he blinks and knits his brows.</p><p>“What are you—” he starts, his voice raspy and a few tones lower than usual. Weirdly enough, it doesn’t look like he’s in pain, after all.</p><p>“I—” Kogoro says, but it about wraps up the list of the words he knows. His gaze falls to where his hand touched just now, and is surprised to see the weird bulge formed between Akira’s thighs, just below his abdomen, where he is certainly sure should be his— “Oh,” he learns a new sound suddenly, then cocks his head lower, to look between his own legs. “Ah.” Sure enough, the similar bulge appeared there, too, right where he feels the strange pain radiating from. He can see a few wet dots there, where his shaft rubs against the thin fabric of the sleeping pants.</p><p>He doesn’t comprehend what’s going on, and looks back at Akira in search for guidance, but the other looks as confused as he feels.</p><p>But it didn’t seem to hurt Akira.</p><p>So he reaches down between his own legs and brushes fingers against this weird occurrence. The electric jolt rushes through his body and he feels his back arching and his lower half collapsing back on Akira, where their hard parts rub against each other for a second, and it sends another jolt through him, making him gasp into Akira’s crook of neck.</p><p>He can feel Akira shiver slightly under him, and then Akira’s hips move up in a single spasm and it’s the same thing all over again.</p><p>The pain is still there, like if too many muscles wanted to fit in too little skin, but another feeling overwhelms it even more, and Kogoro wonders if that’s the <em>pleasure</em>.</p><p>He wants to feel more of it, but Akira beneath him is still and silent.</p><p>“Akira,” he says, whispers desperately into Akira’s ear, because he feels too weak in his limbs to pull away. Akira’s body convulses under him and their cocks rub against each other again, and if he has to beg for it, he will. “Akira, <em>please</em>,” he moans.</p><p>Akira’s hands find their way to Kogoro’s ass and his fingers dig in the flesh, connecting them even closer, more desperately.</p><p>“W-we can’t,” Akira whispers, but he doesn’t sound too convinced and his body tells another story, too.</p><p>But Kogoro believes him, still, because he doesn’t know the rules as well as Akira does.</p><p>“Then do what we can.” He wanted for it to be a question, but he’s growing impatient. He doesn’t know why Akira is holding back so much when it feels so <em>good</em>. Why would something like this be forbidden? When Akira doesn’t answer, only his body goes more stiff, in which Kogoro can sense an attempt at <em>self-control</em>, he needs to ask. “What’s wrong?” he almost barks irritatingly, as he manages to lean his head back a bit, too look him in the face.</p><p>Akira purses his lips into a thin line, holding something back, and his gaze is everywhere but not on Kogoro.</p><p>He doesn’t like it.</p><p>Akira’s hands are still a weight on his ass, ha can still feel him hard against his thigh. So it seems he just needs to persuade him.</p><p>Akira always carries himself like he knows what he is doing, so it annoys Kogoro to see him so hesitant now.</p><p>He nudges his face into Akira’s neck and <em>bites</em>, ripping the delicate, pale skin with his teeth and then he <em>sucks</em> on it to make a show of his displeasure.</p><p>Akira under him squirms, and chokes and pants, but this way he only gives Kogoro exactly what he wants, as more waves of pleasure are sent up his stomach, making it feel hot and heavy, and his whole chest tickles from the inside.</p><p>After a few seconds he feels something wet and sticky between his legs, so he pulls away and looks down at Akira, who regards him with that hazy gaze again, breathing heavily.</p><p>“We can’t,” he protests weakly again, and it makes Kogoro want to bite his face off.</p><p>“Why.”</p><p>“In this world… a man should do things like this with a woman and—”</p><p>“I don’t care,” Kogoro shuts him up. “I want to do it with you,” he says.</p><p>“You only say that because you don’t know how this works,” some of the lost fire reawakens in Akira’s voice.</p><p>“So what of it?” Kogoro feels a cold smile twist his lips and Akira shudders under him. “I’m not of this world, so it’s laws don’t apply to me.”</p><p>“You don’t know what you are saying,” Akira protests, but his voice grows weaker again.</p><p>“But I know what I’m doing.”</p><p>Well, sort of.</p><p>Akira looks up at him, considering. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“I’m sure.” Kogoro grits his teeth, because how many times does he have to—</p><p>Akira’s hands catch his arms and the world spins until Kogoro finds their positions reversed. His back is pressed against the futon now and Akira towers over him, like on the first day they met.</p><p>His cock throbs and he wants this pain to end already.</p><p>“Ask for it,” Akira tells him, and his eyes have changed. They are just like Kogoro likes them best, piercing through him, right into the void of his existence.</p><p>“Touch me,” he says, not able to contain the satisfied smirk. Even though he’s technically asking, it rolls down his tongue more like an order.</p><p>But Akira doesn’t seem to mind, as he closes in and their breaths become one again. His hand is exploring Kogoro’s chest under the shirt again, and he is sure he has never felt so much before.</p><p>But it’s not what he was asking for, so he reminds Akira wordlessly, bringing his knee up to Akira’s cock and rubbing against it.</p><p>Akira pants into their kiss and pulls off for one breath before they connect anew.</p><p>But he got the message, it seems, as his hand slides down and down and soon Kogoro feels it in go inside his pants, and even though it burned hot just a second ago, it feels cold when it closes around his shaft. He shivers and chokes but thrusts his hips up for more of that sensation, and Akira’s hand slides up and down, following the movement.</p><p>They repeat and repeat it, their rhythm falling apart sometimes, but Kogoro can feel his cock swelling more with pain and pleasure so it <em>has</em> to be right.</p><p>When he thinks he won’t be able to take it any longer and frustrated moan leaves his lips, his gaze meet Akira’s again, a playful smirk on the Thief’s lips.</p><p>“Kogoro,” he says, and the world bursts into the light as the long awaited release comes for him, accompanied with the wet sound and more of the slippery feeling against the skin of his inner thighs.</p><p>His arched back relaxes and he falls down on the pillows, like a marionette with the cut strings, breathing heavily.</p><p>He rolls his head on the suddenly stiff neck, and tries to reach his hand out to Akira.</p><p>He has an idea what the equivalent exchange is, after all.</p><p>But Akira laughs softly and shakes his head. It surprises Kogoro, but then Akira bows his head a bit, looking at something, and when Kogoro follows his gaze, he sees a wet circle forming on Akira’s now flattened pants.</p><p>“Too late,” Akira says and smirks, and Kogoro’s hand drops down against the futon with a small thud.</p><p>“Too bad,” he comments, and Akira chuckles again and <em>takes off his pants</em>.</p><p>Kogoro can feel his eyes almost fall out of their sockets at the sight, and he hurriedly looks away from Akira’s exposed masculinity… but his eyes wander right back there and he just resigns himself to watching. Akira doesn’t seem to have anything against it, and he wipes himself dry with the fabric, then casts the pants away to the floor.</p><p>Then, he reaches out towards Kogoro’s hips and slides down his pants, too, because Kogoro lets him. Akira looks between Kogoro’s legs for a second too long, but he supposes it’s a fair deal, since he isn’t covered either.</p><p>Akira spreads his legs gently and wipes him down there, too, but it doesn’t feel like <em>that</em> anymore, it’s warm and gentle and makes Kogoro sleepy.</p><p>He lets his eyelids fall, and only listens to Akira busying himself with the fabric for a few seconds, then feels a warm presence curl up next to his side, an arm hooking over his chest.</p><p>He rolls his head to the side, feeling the familiar locks of hair tickle his nose and cheeks, and he breathes in Akira’s smell.</p><p>“Welcome home,” he tells him, half asleep already, but he did forget to say it earlier.</p><p>“I’m home.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It was my first time ever writing an NSFW scene, so I'm not sure if it turned out well, but I kind of liked it :3 I hope you did, too.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Acceptance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What comes after.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello everyone!!! </p>
<p>I'm sorry for the long wait.</p>
<p>For some time I was unable to finish this story, suddenly having doubts about the direction things were taking, the pacing, basically everything... So I waited for a good moment to clear off the doubts, to feel like this really was the story I wanted to tell. And that day is today!<br/>Thank you everyone who decided to stick with Kogoro to the very end and watch him become his own person TwT I can't even express how much your comments and support mean to me. Every time remembering someone enjoying the read helped me stick to my plan, remember the conviction! I really hope the ending will be to your liking :)</p>
<p>Also! I've got something for you at the very end as a thank you :&gt;</p>
<p>And... last but not least... my only warning for this chapter is... beware the cavities &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I like the trees,” Kogoro says, strolling idly by Akira’s side. “There were none of them on the Ark.”</p>
<p>Today is Valentine's day and Sojiro let them enjoy the day freely outside, predicting there won’t be much work around the café at this date.</p>
<p>Inokashira park is astounding even at this time of the year, with the grass covered by the thin layer of frozen morning dew, tree trunks bare and cold, branches leafless. The trees’ naked beauty bears its own magic, lets them tower over visitors, strong and unwelcoming in their vulnerability.</p>
<p>Akira glances at Kogoro. He is walking right next to him, confident in his long strides, even with his head tilted back, eyes focused on the net of the branches above.</p>
<p>The emotionless mask Akira remembered to be a part of him cracks into gentle crescents of the eyes, folds in the slight scrunch of his nose. Tugs the corners of Kogoro’s lips upwards. His pale features look serene, almost gentle, and Akira feels like his gaze just invaded something sacred.</p>
<p>He lets a small smile of his own try and conquer it, even if it’s doomed to failure. Something may have betrayed him, be it a sound or gesture, as Kogoro stops and turns his eyes on him in a mute question, apparent in a curious blink and meaningful tilt of his head.</p>
<p>The single thought passes Akira’s mind that whoever denies Kogoro humanity never understood what it means to be human in the first place.</p>
<p>He reaches out to brush a stray lock of hair away from Kogoro’s forehead, tucks it behind his ear. Another questioning blink is sent his way and this time he lets himself chuckle softly. His hand finds another and pulls at it gently.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing,” Akira assures, and starts walking, not letting go of the warm palm.</p>
<p>Kogoro hums thoughtfully but submits himself to the guidance, eyeing their connected hands with a content smile.</p>
<p>“Anyway, what was that about the trees?” Akira asks when the silence stretches. It’s not uncomfortable, but he selfishly wants to hear more of Kogoro’s voice.</p>
<p>“Hmm…” his companion muses and looks around. “I know it’s not the same, probably, but I can’t help but think about it this way.” He sways their hands back and forward, like little kids do sometimes with their parents. “The only source of green on the Ark were the potted plants, like the one you keep in the room. They weren’t particularly big, all of them well-maintained and so similar to each other that they could be just the countless copies of the same one.”</p>
<p>The two of them make it to the small bridge and stop halfway. Kogoro leans over the ugly metal railing to look down at the slowly running artificial river, but his grip on Akira’s hand doesn’t weaken.</p>
<p>“When I first came to this world, the last leaves were falling,” he continues after a while. “I had no idea that plants could survive outside of their pots, without proper care and nurture. Without being reliant on someone.” He looks at him suddenly and Akira’s heart skips a beat.</p>
<p>Kogoro’s black eyes seem to glimmer with light of their own, the starry skies trapped in two separate universes.</p>
<p>“You know how Sojiro says those weird things sometimes? I think I’m starting to get it. I was like one of those plants.” There is no trace of sadness, no regret in his voice.</p>
<p>His smile warms Akira’s body more than the coat he’s wearing, more than their hands joined together.</p>
<p>“Did you become a tree now?” Akira asks and he takes another of Kogoro’s hands so now they face each other.</p>
<p>Being nearly the same height, he thinks, it’s impossible to run away like this.</p>
<p>But he doesn’t want to run away. Not anymore.</p>
<p>“Did I? Let’s play this game, what say you?” Kogoro’s smile widens as he pulls their arms to their sides then drags them up like he’s mimicking the shape of a tree with their bodies.</p>
<p>Akira swallows embarrassment at the thought of how strange they must look from someone else’s perspective but then giggles airily despite himself. It’s been a while since he did something childish like this.</p>
<p>“Let’s see,” he starts, bringing their hands back down slowly, “some of the trees stay forever the same, but some of them change with the seasons.” He presses his hands against Kogoro’s and takes the step away.</p>
<p>“So if I was the late autumn tree when I first came here,” Kogoro takes a step away too, “the leaves I lost were my shackles.” He says it effortlessly, lightly, like the past already doesn’t matter.</p>
<p>Akira pulls them back together and they almost bump noses. “And after losing them, you became free. You are free to decide what you want to become.” His left hand lets go of Kogoro’s and the right spins him around slowly.</p>
<p>“The winter is coming to an end,” Kogoro says when they face each other again, “I’ve decided what I want to do when the spring comes.” His tone becomes more serious now and Akira feels a shadow of dread pass over his heart.</p>
<p>The spring can mean many things. It can mean the school’s end, Akira’s planned leave back home. It can mean the two of them parting ways.</p>
<p>He squeezes Kogoro’s left hand again. “The buds,” he whispers through the dryness of his throat and backs away slightly, but this time the other follows his motion, “the flowers in making.” He takes a careful step to the side, and Kogoro follows again. “What flowers will you grow?”</p>
<p>Kogoro holds Akira’s hand in place for a moment. Then, he delicately but at the same time firmly, spins Akira around.</p>
<p>Instead of pulling him through the whole circle though, he halts him in the middle.</p>
<p>Akira wants to ask what happened but then he feels a warm presence leaning against his back, arms wrapping him from behind in a gentle embrace.</p>
<p>He realizes suddenly, that Kogoro is taller than him and it stops his whole thinking process. For some reason it makes him feel vulnerable. But at the same time, safe and comfortable.</p>
<p>Akira lets himself relax into the embrace and covers Kogoro’s hands with his own, as the other rests his chin on Akira’s arm.</p>
<p>“I want to grow the same flowers as you, Akira. And if you don’t want them to be flowers, they can be leaves. If you don’t want them to be leaves, they can be anything you can dream of.” He pauses for a second and tucks his cheek against Akira’s neck. “I want to see what you see. I want to know this world how you know it. I want to be the tree that stands strong through all the seasons. Even if it's changing, still remaining in the same place.”</p>
<p>“And where is this place?” Akira dares to ask in a whisper, because he doesn’t dare to dream.</p>
<p>“It’s by your side,” Kogoro answers and if it was anyone else, Akira would maybe think of it as shameless or playful.</p>
<p>But it’s not the case this time, it’s not someone else telling him this. He can feel his eyes dampen slightly as he grips Kogoro’s hands tighter, as his head tilts to the side, seeking even more warmth, even closer connection.</p>
<p>He wants to ask if Kogoro knows what he is saying. He wants to ask if he is aware that there is much more to this world than Akira. But a selfish part of him wants to keep this moment, Kogoro’s words, in his heart. Locked forever unchanging, uninterrupted, safe.</p>
<p>He breathes out, realizing that he needs to form his thoughts into an answer. But the words don’t come to him, the overwhelming whirlpool of emotions muting him. There isn’t really much he can do about it. If one way of communicating fails, there is always another one.</p>
<p>He gently frees himself from Kogoro’s embrace, a chill tingling on his spine as it disconnects from the other’s warm chest. He can feel Kogoro stiffen and he can see the fear on his face as he turns around to look him in the eyes.</p>
<p>This look doesn’t suit him, Akira thinks as he brings his hands up to Kogoro’s cheeks, cupping his face like a treasure. Putting all of his emotions into that gesture, hoping it won’t fail him.</p>
<p>This look doesn’t suit Kogoro and Akira needs to wipe it away quickly. So he lets his thumbs trace Kogoro’s cheekbones, corners of his mouth. He realizes his own smile when it reflects on the other’s face.</p>
<p>“It’s contagious,” Akira says and rests his forehead against Kogoro’s, “your smile. I don’t think anyone in this world can smile like you.”</p>
<p>Kogoro snorts lightly and covers Akira’s hands, still resting on his face, with his own. “It’s probably the first time I’m asking for something,” he starts, and Akira feels a flutter of his long eyelashes against his closed eyes, “but I want to stay with you.”</p>
<p>There are a lot of thoughts Akira had on the matter while in juvenile center. He remembers spending long restless nights in the unfamiliar bed, without Morgana by his side and Kogoro nearby. He stayed awake for long hours, putting his whole mind into work to try and figure out a solution.</p>
<p>Sojiro doesn’t seem to mind Kogoro’s presence. Akira didn’t have a chance to talk about it with him yet, but he gets the feeling Boss warmed up to the boy considerably. Even if he doesn’t show it too openly, hiding his true feelings behind the heavy sighs and small complaints. But, in the case of Akira, at least, it showed in other ways. The more considerate than usual portion of curry placed on his plate, the suggestion to finish work early.</p>
<p>Akira wonders if Sojiro would let them both stay. If not both, then at least Kogoro. He can’t imagine any other solution for him, and so he prays strongly in his heart for this wish to come true.</p>
<p>However pure and firm the feelings he finds himself bearing towards Kogoro, though, there is still one thing that haunts his mind sometimes. He hates it, he wants to get rid of it forever, but it’s not that easy. Life isn’t that easy, and so aren’t, in truth, his feelings.</p>
<p>He knows his relationship with Kogoro is unusual. He knows many would suggest he is confusing him with Goro, that he is seeking comfort in his presence. That he is finding it, because the other can’t see the world beyond him.</p>
<p>He opens his eyes slightly, looks down at the tip of Kogoro’s nose, at his slightly pursed lips. He can see his effort in waiting patiently, in holding back his fears.</p>
<p>He may be the bravest person Akira has ever met.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to become another Shido to you,” he manages to say, just to get it over with.</p>
<p>He wants, selfishly, madly, for this talk to pass quickly like it never started in the first place. His hands tremble slightly and after that his body.</p>
<p>He has no right to be scared, but yet, here he is.</p>
<p>Or rather, here they <em> are </em>, two boys scared of the future, of each other, but in a strange way that pulls them together.</p>
<p>Kogoro’s hands on his stiffen a little, and for one moment Akira thinks he is going to pull away, give up on him and call off everything he just said.</p>
<p>He doesn’t, though, and his breath trembles against Akira’s lips like a butterfly about to disappear.</p>
<p>“What do you mean, Akira?” he asks simply, skillfully putting on an indifferent act Akira thought he abandoned for good already. The thought that he is the one to cause it gnaws at him, opening the pit of guilt and regret inside his stomach like a barely healed wound.</p>
<p>“It hasn’t been long,” Akira whispers, afraid some stray god, if they exist, will listen in and turn his fears into reality, “since you came here, to this world. You can feel this way today, but tomorrow, who knows? Maybe you will suddenly find yourself entangled in the net with no escape from. Maybe you will realize you’ve been just following with my desires for so long because—”</p>
<p><em> Because following orders was what you were made for </em>, he doesn’t say.</p>
<p>Even if it was once true, it’s too cruel to bring it up now. It’s too disrespectful towards Kogoro’s efforts on his new path.</p>
<p>Akira can’t stand the thought, but he also can’t imagine becoming the one to imprison Kogoro in his own selfishness. He doesn’t want to suddenly realize one day it’s too late, it went too far.</p>
<p>“Akira,” Kogoro says with a small sigh, and Akira’s heart almost jumps out of his chest, “do you know what awaits you tomorrow?” His hands move down to Akira’s wrists, grip them like flesh-made handcuffs. “Can you predict your feelings for the next day, next week, next ten years like the weather forecast? Can you?” His grip tightens as his voice becomes more demanding and Akira shuts his eyes close before answering.</p>
<p>“I can’t,” he whispers, not knowing where it is going to take him.</p>
<p>“Then you are no different from me,” Kogoro murmurs, voice softening, but his hands still keep Akira grounded in the reality of his physical body, even as his soul almost slips away. “That’s why you should ask yourself the same question.”</p>
<p>Akira huffs in half-relief, half-laugh. He feels… stupid. He can’t believe he forced Kogoro to teach him a lesson about life.</p>
<p>Kogoro’s hand leaves his wrists, making him shiver slightly at the sudden chill of emptiness. The other pries Akira’s hands away from his face and takes them in his own.</p>
<p>When Akira opens his eyes, the two red, palm-shaped spots color Kogoro’s face. He didn’t realize till now that he was practically squeezing his face, and the sight calls the heat up his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I—”</p>
<p>“Don’t be sorry,” Kogoro cuts him off drily, “save your apologies for the things that actually offend someone. I may not have much experience with all this, but people don’t hang so tightly onto things they want to let go of, are they? I will take it as my answer.”</p>
<p>Akira looks at the stubborn determination in his eyes and wishes himself to really deserve it. But, even if he doesn’t now, he isn’t planning to back off from the challenge.</p>
<p>He will become better. For the both of them.</p>
<p>“Take this too, then,” he says, and he leans forward, sealing the unspoken promise with a kiss.</p>
<p>Even if everything he can offer now is only himself, Kogoro’s smile against his lips says it’s enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の認知の</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kogoro is making a coffee. It’s a special one, as is this morning. The whole day, actually.</p>
<p>Sojiro isn’t there yet. It’s better like this, allowing him to enjoy the private atmosphere of a lazy daybreak. And what comes after.</p>
<p>He picks up the delicate cup and saucer and quietly climbs up the stairs, avoiding the creaking spots mechanically. The quick and soft shadow passes by him, probably to get a bite downstairs, and when Kogoro looks behind their eyes meet. He raises a finger to his lips.</p>
<p>Morgana rolls his eyes and continues downstairs, the action accompanied with the soft thuds of his paws against the wood.</p>
<p>Akira is asleep. He is laying on his back, comfortably, with his mouth slightly open. He looks peaceful, even with one hand clutching at the duvet next to him, where the spot is left open for yet another person.</p>
<p>Kogoro can’t hold back the smile as he closes in and places the coffee on the shelf, as quietly as he can.</p>
<p>He crouches down by the bedside, just like he used to do a lot, once. But it’s morning, opposite to the nights he spent like this, and Akira’s expression is relaxed, content even.</p>
<p>Kogoro stands up and sits down on the mattress, reaches out to brush away a few stray locks of hair from the other’s forehead. Bends his body down to place a fond kiss on it.</p>
<p>The curtain of dark lashes flutters, the sleepy eyes blink and squint. Ever a sleepyhead.</p>
<p>“Good morning, sweet prince,” Kogoro says as he caresses the other’s cheek tenderly.</p>
<p>Akira closes his eyes and smiles, leans into the touch. Hums something, though with his voice still heavy from sleep it sounds more like a cat purring. The hand that was clutching on the sheets before wanders to Kogoro’s back, moves up and down in a soothing motion.</p>
<p>“I have your coffee,” Kogoro says finally, after a few lazy moments spent like this. He tries to stand up and get it, but Akira’s touch on his back becomes a firm grip as he pulls him back and onto bed. He rolls to the side, trapping Kogoro in his arms, burying his nose in Kogoro’s hair.</p>
<p>“Don’t wanna,” he mutters.</p>
<p>Kogoro sighs but he doesn’t expect it to fool anyone. He can hear his own laugh in the air that leaves his lungs.</p>
<p>“Mm,” he hums and entangles fingers in Akira’s dark locks, “don’t be a baby.”</p>
<p>Akira tightens the hug. “Don’t want coffee, I want you.”</p>
<p>Kogoro laughs, this time unrestrained. “Ah, what do you need me for if you are going to fall asleep again when we stay like this?”</p>
<p>He massages Akira’s scalp, scratches lightly sometimes. The other boy nuzzles against the top of his head and makes the purring sound again. Sometimes he acts more like a cat than Morgana does.</p>
<p>“Then it will be easier to dream about you.”</p>
<p>Kogoro rolls his eyes and moves his head to kiss him – somewhere, anywhere – he gets his nose.  “You don’t need to dream about it, I’m here.”</p>
<p>Akira purrs and grumbles something in response, then sighs and pulls away. “Okay, fine.” He rolls to the back and stares at the ceiling, furrows his brows. “It’s today, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>Kogoro feels the anticipation building up in him at the mention. “Mm, it is.” He gets up and grabs Akira’s coffee, waits for him to sit up before handing it to him.</p>
<p>“Excited?” Akira asks, smiling a bit mischievously over the cup’s rim, takes a careful sip. His eyes close in delight.</p>
<p>“Very much so,” Kogoro sits back down on the bed just to not start shuffling on his feet. “Are you?”</p>
<p>“You’ve been so mysterious about it, how can I not be,” Akira chuckles. “It’s perfect.”</p>
<p>Kogoro tilts his head questioningly.</p>
<p>“The coffee.” Akira takes another sip. “I wouldn’t stand a chance against you now, you got too powerful.”</p>
<p>“You sound like Futaba.” He rolls his eyes but can’t help his heart swelling inside his chest with pride. “Speaking of which, she’s coming, too.”</p>
<p>“Ah, I bet she is. She can’t keep a secret very well.” Akira laughs and the cup trembles in his grip from the motion, somehow not spilling out the contents on the white sheets. “She was sneaking around with that meaningful grin for days now.”</p>
<p>They spend the morning lazily, talking about everything and nothing. It’s one of these days when one just can’t force themselves to be productive before the time comes for the planned appointment later.</p>
<p>Morgana joins them at one point, hopping onto the bed and curing up in Kogoro’s lap. He keeps doing it ever since he announced he gives better head scritches than Akira, which left the other amused but slightly betrayed. Morgana took pity on him later, saying he excels in the belly ones.</p>
<p>The afternoon rolls in slowly, clearing out the morning fog hanging outside, even letting a few rays of the sun through rare clearances in the cloudy sky.</p>
<p>Sojiro came to the café some time earlier but didn’t call for them, merciful in the face of this autumn day’s lethargic atmosphere.</p>
<p>Only when the doorbell rings in a very specific way and familiar voices can be heard downstairs, they finally leave the room.</p>
<p>“Aaah! They are here!” Futaba exclaims and jumps towards them excitedly, closes her thin arms around them both in a quick hug.</p>
<p>Akira pets her head mechanically while Kogoro looks up at the other guests.</p>
<p>He hasn’t seen Makoto in a while, but her older sister has been meeting him frequently in the last few weeks. She gives him a warm smile and a wink. So everything is ready.</p>
<p>Kogoro pats Futaba’s back and she finally peels herself off them with a wide grin. “Mwahaha, the big day has finally come!” She fixes her slightly crooked glasses.</p>
<p>Akira skillfully adjusts his face into a politely confused mask and Kogoro has to do his best to not snort at the sight.</p>
<p>There are no clients in the café right now, and Sojiro makes his way to switch the sign on the door to “closed”, sighing heavily and shaking his head. The smile on his face is still apparent, though.</p>
<p>When they all finally sit down, Kogoro can’t help but look at Sae expectantly. He can feel Akira’s hand squeezing his under the table.</p>
<p>The older Niijima rummages through her bag and pulls out the clear folder like it’s a prize in the contest. Kogoro feels Akira’s grip on his hand tightening, maybe he started figuring it out.  </p>
<p>Sae clears her throat and pulls out the first item from the folder. An ID. “It’s my pleasure to announce,” she says and hands it over to him, “as of today you are known as Kogoro Amamiya.”</p>
<p>Akira’s hand is practically crushing him now. He can hear a quiet sniff to his right. He can’t really blame him. Kogoro’s eyes are kind of watering now, too.</p>
<p>Sae pulls out other documents – health insurance, bank account-related documents, copy of proof of residence (registered as Leblanc’s address). Then, the copy of the family record.</p>
<p>Kogoro takes it from her, noticing the slight tremble in his own hand. He never told Akira about this one. It was the plan he came up with for Futaba, it was her who did most of the work in making it happen.</p>
<p>Kogoro swallows and shows the document to Akira, looks up at his face, registering all the small changes occurring on it. He can guess which of them indicate him reading which part of it.</p>
<p>The small furrow of his brows at mother’s name, a slightly deeper at unknown father. Eyes widening in surprise when they make it to the brother.</p>
<p>“Why—” Akira asks hoarsely and trails off, looks at Kogoro with so much emotion it’s overwhelming.</p>
<p>Kogoro twists his hand in Akira’s so now he is the one squeezing his. “I want the memory of him to live on in some way.” He looks him in the eye but soon finds himself unable to continue and averts his gaze. “Even if it’s only like this, on the paper.”</p>
<p>Akira rests his forehead against Kogoro’s arm. He doesn’t say anything for a few moments and everyone seems to try and compress themselves to give him— them more space. “Thank you,” Akira says, but stays this way for a while longer.</p>
<p>When Kogoro looks up, he can see Futaba tearing up, the gentle sadness on Sae’s face. He tries his best to not cry.</p>
<p>He once, long ago, told Akira he doesn’t regret. That he isn’t able to feel such emotions. It’s been a long year since then, and a long journey for him in many aspects. He was sorry for the real Akechi, but he was also thankful to him. Had things gone differently, he would have never been able to truly live.</p>
<p>It still scares him, sometimes. The thought that all of this isn’t real. But then he kept opening his eyes, with Akira’s warmth close to him, his scent filling in the little space between them. It was real, and he was home.</p>
<p>“The last thing is,” Sae says as she holds out one last paper, this time to Sojiro, “the guardian custody.” She smiles and Kogoro is pretty much sure Akira is sobbing into his shirt by now. It’s getting a bit wet.</p>
<p>He reaches out and pets his hair reassuringly.</p>
<p>Futaba sniffles then blows her nose loudly into a tissue while the older Sakura wipes his eyes under the glasses.</p>
<p>“Actually,” she says, “there is one more thing.” She circles the counter and emerges back with the… cake. It looks home-made and when she puts it carefully on the table, Kogoro sees her unmistakable, poor attempt at calligraphy. Or maybe it’s dancing like this before his eyes because he is crying now, too.</p>
<p>“It’s today,” Futaba says with a voice wavering with emotion. “One year ago today.”</p>
<p>They eat the cake together, like one big family. They even convince the Niijima sisters to stay, despite their initial hesitation. There is a lot of laughter. A lot of warmth. There are tears, too, of affection and acceptance. All things given to him by Akira, then by others. All things he tries and will continue trying to return.</p>
<p>“Why Amamiya?” Akira asks that night, when they lay in bed cuddled under the duvet. His long delicate fingers trace the length of Kogoro’s arm.</p>
<p>“It was raining that day,” he answers and opens his eyes. He can see Akira’s face in the moonlight. “I wanted to remember it. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”</p>
<p>Akira smiles fondly and his hand moves to Kogoro’s face, his hair – a lot longer now, but he refuses to cut it yet. He remembers that day when Akira came back and noticed it getting longer. He seemed to like it.</p>
<p>“It suits you,” Akira says, tugging gently at his locks while going through them in a brushing motion.</p>
<p>“It would suit you too,” Kogoro whispers before courage leaves him.</p>
<p>Akira’s hand stops the repeated motion. “You think so?” He moves closer, their noses brushing against each other.</p>
<p>Kogoro wants to keep looking at him but the close distance makes his eyes hurt. He closes them and feels Akira’s lips on his a moment later.</p>
<p>The kiss is soft and tender. It’s a hundred words they could exchange, thousand thoughts they share.</p>
<p>Familiar weight, a lot heavier than its frame suggests, jumps on Kogoro’s hip, four paws digging painfully into muscles. The muffled sound escapes his mouth and he accidentally bites Akira’s lip. Their foreheads collide in a sudden bump.</p>
<p>“Ouch—Morgana!” Kogoro whines and props himself up on the elbow to give the cat a scolding look. The little creature is supposed to see well in the dark, there is no chance he’d miss it.</p>
<p>“You guys were doing <em> that </em> again,” Morgana complains angrily.</p>
<p>Akira on the bed is starting to shake and the ugly snort sounds through his nose.</p>
<p>“Doing what?” Kogoro rolls his eyes and lays back again, moves a bit further away from Akira.</p>
<p>The cat jumps down and settles in between them. There is a silence for a moment before he shrieks. “Occupying my lucky spot, that’s what you were doing!”</p>
<p>Akira laughs louder now. It’s full-hearted and joyful and he probably cried himself, because it’s contagious enough to make Kogoro do the same.</p>
<p>“It was Akira, he was the Thief, after all,” he manages to say between one attack of laughter and another, for which he gets lightly kicked under the duvet.</p>
<p>They calm down after a good few minutes, wheezing and panting heavily in search of the lost oxygen. Morgana smacks them with his tail and paws a few times but Kogoro can say he is having a good time too. </p>
<p>It’s different. So much different from when everyone was so wary of him, hardly ever trying to talk to him.</p>
<p>He runs one hand through Morgana’s fur, his warm body pressed against his other arm. The cat’s breathing evens eventually, but Akira’s doesn’t.</p>
<p>When Kogoro rolls his head to the side, he finds a shining pair of eyes gazing at him. Akira’s beauty is striking, he can never get used to it. Even seeing him every day, being able to touch him, trace his features with his own fingers doesn’t help. </p>
<p>Akira simply, naturally, takes his breath away. </p>
<p>And Kogoro will continue to give it away today, tomorrow, every breath he has until the very last one.</p>
<p> “I love you,” Akira whispers and it echoes in Kogoro’s mind, suddenly empty like his lungs.</p>
<p>It fills his heart instead, with that whispered word and many others he can’t name but finds no need to.</p>
<p>Fills his eyes with warm tears that trickle down his cheekbones, soak into the pillow.</p>
<p>“I love you too,” he says, and even though he was never a liar in the first place, the truth of all words he ever said before pales in comparison to this one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>本物の本物の本物の本物の本物の本物の本物の本物の本物の</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>認知の (read: ninchi no) - cognitive<br/>本物の (read: honmono no) - real</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you are interested in checking out my social media, you can find me on:</p><p>Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/mara-dine<br/>Twitter: https://twitter.com/Mara_dine</p><p>where I reblog Persona stuff (mostly, but not only, my media aren't Persona-exclusive), occasionally drop the sketches and sometimes rumble about life.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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